Depeche Mode One Shots [ENG]

[1] Alan Wilder

I hope you'll like it!

One day I just ran away. I ran away from the love of my life. I didn't want to dissapoint him, be dissapointed and be a burden. I gave him the freedom, the ability to choose a better life. A better life, that is life without me. Today is exactly one year since I have taken my stuff and dissapeard. I tried to forget, but such great love cannot be forgotten. I still remember. I remember every shared moment, every touch, gesture and smell. I miss this so much, but I know it's better this way. Sometimes I couldn't believe that next day I'll wake up without Alan's arms holding me tight. But I don't care abot my feelings anymore. I just wish he's happier now. I wish I've made the right decision. We had too many problems, which we couldn't handle. In few years of our relationship me and Alan changed a lot. Sometimes I thought that he isn't the same person who I met when I was 24. He was much more melancholic, grave and subdued. He wasn't the same Alan. I couldn't resist the feeling that nothing will be the same anymore. We realised that world isn't as beautiful as we thought when we were younger. We losed our happiness. I was scared of losing everything I've loved and I've known, so I decided to run away before I would lose it because of stupid arguments. I wanted to make kind of happy end. Happy end for Alan. Even though he changed a lot, I still love him. I wish he doesn't love me anymore...

After my escape I moved back to Holland. I wanted to start a new life. I bought a small house near Dordrecht. I'm living alone. I don't think so that it will change in the future. I can't love anyone as much as I loved Alan. It's impossible. He was my first and only true love.

Now I'm in London. I was bored about sitting home alone and doing nothing except writing a new book with poems. Since our break up, I have never been inspired. Alan was my muse, my lover and bestfriend.

While I was crossing Oxford Street I saw him. Firstly I thought it's just my weird imagination, so I passed him by. I didn't want to turn, but I turned and in this moment I stumbled over something under my feets. I drew attention to myself, so he turned too. Firstly he didn't recognize me, but then few seconds later, he gave me a piercing look. He smiled, 'cause he finally found me.

- Has he ever searched for me? I don't know. - I asked myself while he was walking my way.

Since my move out, I changed my phone number, e-mails and social media accounts. I dissociated from the world. The thrill of uncertainty swept over me. Alan was closer and closer. I had an idea to get away and melt in the crowd. I would avoid uncomfortable conversation and a lot of questions. When I wanted to turn around and simply run, Alan came up to me, grabbed my hand and said soflty:

- Dani, do you love me? - I was shocked, I thought that he would ask me questions like: why did you do that? why did you run away? what happend? why did you dissapear? I didn't know how to respond to, I had no idea whether to tell the truth.

Looking at his lovely face, his smile, beautiful blue eyes and firmly defined cheekbones made my heart melt. Immediately my tears started dropping on the ground. Alan gently wiped them out with his thumbs and slightly lifted my head to the top. His lips approached to mine, but I flatly moved away from his body.

- I'm sorry Alan...

I took a few steps back and quickly left. I didn't know where I was going. I went past a lot of different shops, coffee houses, clubs, restaurants. I don't even know how many hours I was thoughtlessly wandering around. When it was something about 10 p.m. I reached to London Bridge. While I was looking at foggy London I was able to calm down. I've been thinking about what happened this day between me an Alan.

- Has he got any feelings for me? Has he searched for me all that time? Does he still love me? - I was trying to find the answer for these questions.

Without thinking too much I typed his phone number. Anticipation for his voice was the most stressful moment in my whole life.

- Yes Dani? - he said calmly

I ignored his question and threw in:

- Do you love me?

- Why are you asking? Don't you think it's obvious?

I didn't reply, so he continued:

- I love you Dani with all my heart. I wake up every day and hope that you'll return. The only things I have left is your last letter and engagement ring. Every single day I wonder what I've done wrong, why have you gone. Life without is a nonsense. I'm always deep in my thoughts, 'cause I'm living my memories.

I didn't know how to react. I wanted to tell him the truth about my feelings, but I knew that it would be better if I disconnect and just try to forget about what happened today. Fortunately I have summoned up the courage and said:

- I love you too Alan...

Without waiting until I'll finish my sentence he hung up. I was sadly looking at the setting sun when I heard his voice shouting:

- Beautiful view, isn't it?

I turned around. He was walking my way. I didn't reply. I couldn't stop looking at him, his every gesture, his tousled hair. He stood next to me and grabbed my hand. We were standing quietly holding hands. We weren't able to stop staring at each other.

- How did you know where
I am? - I asked

- Because I simply know you... Do you remember how on New Year's Eve we danced here on the sidewalk?

- I remember... Alan you should know, that I love you very much and I didn't want to heart you, I didn't want you to suffer. I thought it would be better for us, if we broke up and...

He broke in the middle of my sentence:

- Don't justify Dani. We won't go back in time. The only thing that we can do is start from the beginning.

- Alan... - I whispered

He silenced me with a passionate kiss.

- Would you dance with me Dani? Let everyone watch us.

Without waiting for my answer he put me in his arms and we started to sway. After our dance he knelt in front of me. He took out my engagement ring, which I've left when I ran away.

- Dani, would you make me the happiest man in the world again?

- Yes, Alan... - I replied nearly crying.

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Do you like it? I'm not a native speaker so please be understanding towards me. If you find some mistakes let me know about them!

Dani, what do you think? Is it cute? If it's not, I'm really sorry, I always write to sad stories!