Us Against The World ｡ Peter Parker [2]

14 - Connecting The Dots

"I can't do this right now." I finally choked out, feeling a wave of emotion flood through my chest. Finally, my eyes sliced back to land on his face. I could see the pain in his eyes, could literally feel him begging for forgiveness, for a chance to explain why the kiss had randomly happened. A part of me wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me, to lash out and yell like my lungs would cry out. But nothing happened. The urge to fight was just not there right now. I didn't know what that meant either but it felt odd. "I just need to be alone."

Peter was taking another step in my direction but stopped when he saw the glare in my eyes. With a jolt of his head, he took a step backwards and shoved his hands into his pockets. I stared at his lips and noticed the red smudge of Cindy Moon's lipstick still and it turned my stomach. "Okay." he mumbled out. "Uh, can I call you tomorrow or something? Please. I need to try and explain...I just, I need you and--"

Tears begged to fall with the crack in his voice but I was shaking my head, wondering if the feeling of betrayal ever went away. "Don't call me." My words sounded broken but I pressed on, holding my head high and not falling where I currently stood. Hesitantly, I was walking away from him, from this terrible night. I didn't get more than a few steps before I was turning around, seeing his saddened eyes. "Don't follow me home. Don't swing through the streets to make sure I get home safely. I want nothing from you right now, Peter." he let me go and this time and I didn't turn around to see the pain in his eyes. 

***

That night I didn't sleep very well but it wasn't the visions keeping my mind awake. My thoughts were clouded, tainted with hate, with betrayal and with questions. I had shocked myself by not turning to Peter on the driveway and letting my soul shine, letting him know how much rage echoed through my body. But I had walked away and had not looked back, even when I wanted to show him that I was hurt with his actions. But strangely, I had done nothing. That scared me more, the fact that there was no fire sparking in my heart to fight back, to fight for him. Did that mean something? I was not so sure, because for a long time, the only person I could count on was him, the only person I wanted to see somedays, but now, it hurt to even think about him. 

It was early on Saturday morning and my mother was standing in my doorway, a cup of warm tea huddled between her hands. She had greeted me home last night, waiting up to see how my night had gone. I hadn't told her it had been almost good, that my visions had somewhat been correct. I didn't tell her my boyfriend had kissed another girl. With dry eyes, I had lied to her but deep down, I knew she gathered something was eating me alive. 

"Are you alright, sweetie?" her warm voice sounded and my eyes snapped up from my laptop, busy doing an assignment.

My mind was still clouded with cobwebs, nothing quite seeming real, even with the bright sunlight streaming through my balcony doors. "Um, I don't really know."

Somehow, my mother knew the weight on my shoulders. She knew about my sleepless nights, about the visions and the fear crawling in my chest, banging to be let out. She didn't know about the kiss but she had a mother's instinct. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes." she quietly admitted, something flicking through her kind eyes. I couldn't help but wonder how she pulled through the dark days with Colton's death herself. "We're attending a conference upstate today, Dr. Langkowski is speaking. Would you like to join us?" When I was younger, my parents used to take us to different conferences with famous scientists speaking about their experimental work, it was something Colton always enjoyed. We hadn't done that since his death. 

"Actually, that sounds wonderful." I gave her a tiny smile, very thankful my mother had given me something that could take my mind off the visions and of Peter Parker today.