Numb.-Phan

Chapter 1:written by turtle

numb.
     thats the feeling i felt in my chest when i walked in the hospital doors that day. when the brunette haired nurse told me that my best friend was now nonexistent. gone.
     dead.
     everything went silent. the once cheery music that filled the hospital waiting room seemed inappropriate and misleading to the fact that the person i have spent my entire life with was now gone.

     when the sour words slipped threw the nurses lips i froze in disbelief.
'thats not true-- you've done something wrong-- this cant be happening.' i tried to argue with the truth. i couldnt do anything to change reality. unlike a broken pencil; you can pick up and sharpen once again- once life is gone that life is never coming back.
     and id just have to live with that statement for the rest of my miserable life.

     you probably think i sound selfish. 'everyone looses a friend- its not a big deal- move on and take care of YOURSELF.'
     when you loose contact with a friend you know theyre still exist and are probably thinking about you, right. now.
     when someones dead you know they dont exist, you know theyre gone forever, you KNOW they arent thinking about you right now because theyre DEAD NOW.
the sparkles that once filled phils eyes slowly disappeared after spending day after day in the miserable fucking hospital bed. fuck those doctors for not keeping him alive. fuck me for not HELPING.
how COULD i help though. when your best friends dying and you dont know what to do; you are absolutely HELPLESS.
     but not as helpless as phil when he was suffering in the hosptal bed at four in the morning being kept awake due to the fact that he could die at any given moment.