What If

Chapter 1

"You both have reached the limited time of your stay. It's time for both of you to leave at the end of the week."

***
I can't breathe...

The only thing holding me together right now is Sean. I'm not an emotional person but right now all I want is to feel him and taste him.

" Sean..." I raised up my face from his chest and lightly kissed his collarbone.

I felt him shudder under me and wrap his arm around my waist pulling me closer in our straddling position.

" Gracie... Are they really fucking doing this to us right now?"

" Shh... Let's not talk about it... Not now."  I said taking possession of his lips.

Whenever I'm depressed I turn to Sean for sex... We're not in a relationship, we're both too broken and messed up to have a proper one.

" Why not?" He said breaking away.

" It makes it feel too real! I just don't wanna talk about it!"

As soon as I say it, he removes me from him and gets up and starts pacing the room.

" Fuck this! We need a plan! We're getting kicked out next week as soon as you turn 18. I can't keep living in a damn orphanage forever!"

" You think I want to stay here?! But this is too soon! I'm fucking scared... Where the hell are we gonna go?" I say getting closer to him.

" We? There is no we! We've been here for 7 years! It's time for us to get the fuck outta here, move on and go our separate ways!"

" ..."

My head is pounding...

I feel weird.

The kind of feeling you get when someone close to you dies and... I haven't felt this in so long since my parents abandoned me.

These are the only words that he could ever say to shatter me.

As soon as Sean leaves and slams the door behind him, I break down and starts sobbing. Why?! I have no one except for him... Both our parents were gang members in Mexico, one day got tired of us and abandoned us... Sean and I have done everything together. We grew up in the same shitty environment together. We got abandoned and went into the orphanage together. Our relationship was toxic to each other. I should be glad to be rid of him. But I'm not. God help me!

" Why the fuck is this happening to me now?!" I hold onto my hair and yell out into the empty space in my room.

He can't do this to me...

I march to his room which he shares with a weirdo called Jõsé they found somewhere in Puerto Rico and push the door open.

His deep brown chocolate eyes stare at me with no evidence of surprise like he somehow knew that I was coming for him.

I walk towards him and with every step, I feel less confident about what I was getting ready to say.

" Sean... I have no one else but you. I need you..." My voice breaks and I lower my eyes when I feel the tears roll down.

This is so stupid... I shouldn't rely on him that much.

I turn away and start heading for the door when I feel him grab me back by the shoulders and spin me around to face him.

" Ok... Y'all messed up, I'm leaving! Fix y'all shit before I get back!" Jõsé gets up from the bed and leaves the room without closing the door.

" Sean, I---" I open my mouth ready to talk to him but his gaze is fixed on the door behind me like it did something wrong to him.

Suddenly he gets up, slams the door, locks it and comes abruptly towards me. He grabs the back of my hair making me look up to him.

" What do you want from me?! One day you're telling me to get lost and die, now you're fucking talking what about us? Do you understand how many bad things I want to do to you?!"

" Then why don't you?"

His lips slightly part and he stares at me with such intensity that I might drop dead on the floor... This is probably what Anastasia felt when she met Christian Grey.

Still holding my hair, he pulls me closer to him and hungrily smashes his lips onto mine. There is no gentleness like there used to be before but somehow I don't mind. His tongue slips inside my mouth and he tastes like M&M's which we were eating earlier. I grip his hair and try to latch onto him. He drags me and literally throws me onto his bed. I try to gain control but this time he holds me back and stops me. And I realize what this is... Angry sex. Exactly what I like. He slides his hand under my shirt and pinches my nipple making me wince.

" I need you now."

He doesn't stop to take the time to touch my body and slides inside of me and gives it to me hard until I see stars. It went on for at least an hour from changing positions here and there that I never thought were possible. When it's all over, I have red marks and scratches all over my body.

I turn around and find him looking at me. We're still both naked and somehow it doesn't feel awkward.

" Come here. " he says to me and I can't help but obey. When I get to him, he hugs me while resting his chin on the top of my head. Then he leans down towards me and slowly kisses me... And I know what he meant " I'm sorry" I kiss him back harder as if trying to tell him that I'm okay.

" About what I said before, I regret it... I could never go anywhere without you Graciela. As soon as you turn 18, we're gonna get the hell out and fix our lives together... And probably be billionaires." He whispers to me while smoothing down my hair with both his hands.

" Don't get ahead of yourself." I can't help but laugh at the billionaire comment.

" We're in this together now... No backing out." He says kissing me once more.

" Promise."  I say kissing him back.