I thought he is my PERFECT LOVE.
He is all I ever dreamed.
I thought, HE WAS WORTH THE FALL.
now?
HE WAS GONE.
I don't know where he is.
I don't know what happened to him.
I don't know why he disappeared.
My name is Anne.
He's name is Zach.
i know I'm still young but what I feel for him is more than enough to prove that my love measures way more than anyone else's love.
i have him.
he is the best person i ever knew. he respects me. he treats me so special and show it to me like no one else does.
He appreciates.
he never fails to amaze me.
this story started when leaves started to turn reddish or orange and began to fall. it was the opening of the new semester and i can't wait to see my old classmates as well as to meet new friends.
When i entered the room, i got nervous to see new unfamiliar faces. then my classmate last sem smiled at me and called me. "Clarisse!", i replied. the awkward feeling disappeared. i started talking and talking.
we were on our Science lecture class when my new classmate Jose amazed me by reciting the description of what Science is all about. since then, he became my crush.
Days goes by I already knew all my classmates.
I was listening to our English teacher when my seatmate Aloha said, "What do you think of Cyril? i find him cute isn't he?" "where? that guy over there?", I said pointing out. unfortunately his seatmate Zach saw me. he leaned to Cyril and maybe he told him that we are talking about him. Cyril glanced back and smiled as well as his seatmate Zach. "Cyril smiled at me.", Aloha said whispering. "Eeeewww! you like that guy?" "why? i find him cute", Aloha replied. "hey look Zach is looking at us or maybe---- he is looking at you.", Aloha said. "Zach? you're talking nonsense", I said while simply glancing. "I saw that! you got a crush on him don't you?", she said. "Me?", i said. "or maybe he's into you. what do you think?", says Aloha. 'I think let's get back to our lesson and listen very carefully", I replied.
from then on, Aloha is always teasing me and partnering me with him. i always tell her that i already have a crush and he is my ideal man but maybe admiration is different. i notice myself looking at him. "You won't know that he's looking at you when you're not looking at him", Aloha once said to me. i tried to defend my self to her or maybe i was already defending what I feel to my self.
Since Aloha tried to partner us we got closer to each other. everytime she partners me and Zach, I don't argue with her anymore. Zach and I just laugh at her and ride at whatever she wants. we know she is a hopless romantic.
Days and months passed, i know in myself that that i got fun of him. He is such a good person inside and out. Well-mannered, respectable, full of humor, a true gentleman and when I'm with him, I never get bored.
As realized my feelings for him, I realized he didn't felt the same way. I treat him in a special way but he still treats me as his girl buddy. I know, he will never like a girl like me. One who rides bikes, got mud all over her face and plays basketball with guys. he likes a girl who's timid, tidy, and sophisticated.
One day I heard him talking to one of his friends. They are talking about Lia. Lia is my girl bestfriend way back since elementary. they are talking how graceful she is. He also said he admire her beauty and the way she carry herself. after hearing, i felt like my heart is aching. it is like someone's putting needles in my chest. and that's when I experienced my first heart break. after that I swear, I don't wan't to experience it again.
because of that I tried to stay away from him. at first maybe he didn't noticed but after several days i know he felt that i put some barriers between us. then, i just realized we became strangers. it's like we don't know each other.
the semester ended without me talking to Zach again.
it was vacation and I was hangging out with Lia when she said that Zach already left. she ask if I knew but I told her Zach and I don't talk often anymore. I was clueless. I was left hanging. then, I thought to my self, He didn't even bother to bid farewell.
That was the last time I have heard of him.
Years passed and I am already in my twenty one years of existence. i am sitting in a front porch over looking the sea. it was peaceful and so quiet. I am writing in I think was the last page where I could write in my diary. I have read what I have written here several times. it was all memories of him. as I was sitting I'm thinking, what if I told what i felt? What If I took the courage to let him him know? What if I took the risk even if it will hurt me? What if I had told him even if I know he didn't love me?
That is what I was thinking and writing as I watched the wave come and go, as I was looking at the sea shore while feeling the sea breeze brushed my face. I was thinking "If only I got the courage to tell him I love him". After that I fell in to a deep sleep.
"What and If are two harmless words but put them together it will haunt the rest of your life. What if..."
- Letters to Juliet
