Holding On

Why Me?

There I was starring at the love of my life, my heart and soul, my everything, my bestfriend being put into the ground. This would be my last time seeing him again. My baby looked so good but bad at the same time, nobody could imagine my pain right now. I'll never wish this on anyone not even my worst enemy. I turned my head towards the left and seen my boyfriends mother Mrs. Wilkes cry her eyes over her baby boy, her only son all the years I've known her she always been strong enough for her and her whole family she never cried when the police arrested Dollas. Oh yeah Dollas is my boyfriend his real name is Devin Wilkes, the name Dollas comes from him making a lot of money. He was the money man, he was very sweet funny and caring but what you did not play with was his family and his money then you'd have a lot of problems on your hands. That's part of the reason why we're in this situation now.
"Don't cry sis, D wouldn't want you too be crying I know your hurt we all are we all loved him but you have to be strong he wouldn't want this." My big brother Eric said too me, as he rub my shoulders. "But best believe sis this shit is not over with! My nigga gone Rest In Peace after I blow motherfuckers into pieces fucking with mines!." He walked away. I held my head down and cried some more. My brother and Dollas was on the same team they both worked together, they went on missions together, trips, did everything together they were like brothers almost. You see him you definitely seen Eric both of them clicked well together they were both crazy and I loved that my brother introduced me to Dollas about 3 years ago. I don't know if that's supposed to be given me the title of his "wife without a ring" but if so then that's who I am. Hell thats what everybody treated me as, I got so much respect from mfs because of him and my brother which I really didn't care about because I don't give a fuxk but just the fact that my baby is well honored and so is me and my brother really made me feel good even if it was people's in the streets that just knew us so what. Respect is respect and where I'm from you show love and respect and you'll get it backk 10 times more. After my last thought I sucked my tears up prayed silently to myself in my head for strength and went to comfort my mother in law.
    After the funeral service everyone went to Mrs. Wilkes house to eat and comfort each other, my baby had so much family it was crazy I never seen so many black people in the room without dancing or fighting. I sat down on the couch by myself quiet thinking, just then Dollas hoe ass cousin Jessena (just - seen- uh) 2 year old son Lil Walt came to me smiling wanting me to pick him. He was so cute he looked just like his momma light Carmel skin complexion, a button nose, big ol bug eyes and red orange soft curly hair I know he must've got that from his daddy cause Jessena just dyes her hair that color but that bitch ain't fooling nobody here! Walt was me and Dollas lil baby being as thought I had two miscarriages due to stress and pregnancy complications 🙄 but I'm fine and when Jess would drop him off to us to do whatever her hoe ass did but I didn't mind, I needed company because most of the time Dollas was out in the streets being dumb, so was my brother, my moms a crackhead, don't know my dad, my sister Erin became very distance after our mom turned to the streets. My mama left us with our aunt Litta she took care of me my brother sister and even mother. She had custody of us I was 7, Erin was 8 & Eric was 9. You see apparently my mother started her addiction after my daddy "died", "left" or "got shipped off" yanno things started to change after he left I remember him I just don't know Bruh and now I am 20 dealing abandonment issues but it's nothing I cannot handle.
       "Oh bitch you could've told me that my fucking nephew funeral was today you selfish Bev, Dollas mother. & I just want my baby to know that he is very loved by his auntie Denise" yelled thru the living room drunk barely standing up. "Oh God who the hell invited this mental in the head witch?" I said in my head. At the time I was ready to go and was about to make the move to do so because this is none of my concern my only concern is the ground 6ft under with dirt and maggots over him and it's nothing I can do with that so fuxk this. I walked out the door and headed from my car, just then Chris one of Dollas homeboys stopped me to talk. "Wtf do you want Chris? " Chris was so fine he was light skin tall skinny pretty hazel eyes with curly black hair, he always had a crush on me since high school but it was always something not right with him I don't know what it was. He was a pretty boy so I don't know why but everytime trouble would come around he would too. Before my boyfriends death it's been about 10 deaths and 5 kid napping and most of the peoples who died he knew, 2 were his cousins they was innocent tho they died in a drive by. "Hello to you to Emmie, I was just sending you my condolences and love I know you loved Bro and he loved you so much you was his everything I'm so sorry for this happening to you you didn't deserve none of this you too beautiful to stress over this but just know I got you and we gone find them motherfuckers that's on my life!" Chris pleaded. "Yeah okay Chris thankyou but bye I'm done with this." I got inside my car and drove home man it's gonna be hard for me to go inside of my apartment it smelled like him, all his clothes was there, our pictures and I am not woman enough to go thru this, so I called up my bestie Tee to go to the bar. Yes I drink I love drinking it soothes my pain I swear it go one shot takes me onto cloud 9. And I knew Tee would be down for it. "Best dress I need you to make this move with me." I said unto the phone. "Okay give me 10 mins and I gotta pyo some drama , I mean you not gone wanna hear it but I gotta give you a heads up boo." She said before she hung up.