Split Between Stars

Reflections

Danny lay in the darkness.

He wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep anymore. Tired thoughts and half formed dreams morphed strangely in his semiconscious mind. The little clicks and whirs of the lab equipment were the only constant thing now. 

Tomorrow he was going to forget everything. Vlad had told him so that evening. The machine was ready, and once everyone was awake, he would go through it. 

A dull ache grew inside his heart.

It almost didn't matter anymore. Why should he waste his energy caring about what he couldn't change? His family was trapped at Space Corps, he was powerless to tell the Halphas what he knew, and he was just so tired of all of it. 

That was it. He was tired. Tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of being treated like a monster or a mistake. 

Danny hung limply in his bonds, feeling the chafe of them on his skin. It was strange really. He had already been ready to walk to his death weeks ago. He had been fully prepared and expecting to die. But somehow this waiting for... nothing, for oblivion, was worse. His memories were all he had left now. He wouldn't be able to remember what it was like to live in the outside world, what it was like to have a real family. His friends? Gone. 

Maybe it would have been better if I'd just died on Halpha that day, he found himself thinking.

 I wouldn't be in this mess. Mom and dad and Jazz would be safe at home. We'd all be together with our families and Vlad would be dead.

Danny shocked himself slightly with that last thought. He had never hated anyone so much before. Walker, the destroyer of Halpha, should have been the one who held that title. But he was so distant and cold. He had never given Danny hope only to yank it away. He had never toyed with his emotions or lied to him. 

Walker might be evil. But Vlad was cruel.

..............................................................................................

Vlad sat in his office, running his hands through his hair over and over again. A small vial of Halpha blood sat in front of him, taunting him. 

I don't need it, I don't need it, I don't need it he repeated to himself over and over.

I'm stronger than this. I can be stronger than this.

His hands shook and his breathing grew faster and faster. Sweat began to bead across his face, stinging his eyes. Vlad lunged to his feet, away from the blood.He wanted to be free from this disease! Every part of his body told him to stop, to hold back. But his mind was insatiable. He needed that blood. He needed it!

Vlad fell to his knees, eyes averted from his desk. 

These Halphas deserved better than him. They didn't deserve to be used like this! He shook with shame and withdrawal, fingers digging into the carpet. 

It he could just stop... if he could heal himself then maybe he could explain it to them. They could forgive him! Couldn't they?

A painful lance of pain jabbed his mind like fire. 

No! They would turn and run and leave him behind. They would let him starve until he was a monster. 

Before he knew what he was doing, the vial was empty and his trembling subsided. Vlad panted, lying on the floor of his office, the delicious purifying energy of Halpha blood running through him. He sat up slowly, mind clearing and thoughts settling. 

No. It was too late for him. He already was a monster. A monster who could only be tamed with the blood of his family.