secrets [amyplier]

The One

Mark's POV
I sit with my head in my hands at the table, sighing in frustration. I had just returned from another year of VidCon, three days full of  crowds of smiling faces and some tears shed here and there. But, something had been gnawing at my brain while I had been there. I had been with Jack, Bob, Wade and Felix, and I realised that I was the only one without a girlfriend. They all had someone to hold, to call their own, and I was alone in the corner next to Ethan. But, it wasn't the same with Ethan, he was still young and had plenty of time to find a girlfriend. I, on the other hand, was almost in my thirties, yet still single.
        I knew plenty of girls who would like to go out with me, millions maybe, but they were just fans. A fangirl isn't the same as a girlfriend, I want someone to like me for me, and not for my content or popularity, to not even know who I am. It might just be jealousy, I might just be overreacting, but it makes me feel empty and hollow inside when I see Jack and Signe, or Wade and Molly. It may seem cruel, and that I should be happy for them, and I am. But, I want to look at Wade the way he looks at Molly, to be able to get down on one knee in front of thousands of people and ask someone to be mine.
        Sitting back, I notice that tears have welled up in my eyes. I wipe them away roughly and stand up, to make dinner in my empty house. I may have money, and a grand and beautiful house, but all the money in the world couldn't buy me the affection that my friends give their girlfriends.
        A hollow feeling and sheer exhaustion cause me to lose the power to make food, so I order a pizza and head upstairs. I resist the urge to just collapse onto my bed and cry, but I need to record a video before my fans start worrying about me. I stand at my computer, loading up Player Unknown's Battlegrounds, a game that I can play without having to evaluate everything and find the deeper meaning.
        I play it and I get quite far before I am shot in the head and killed instantly, despite my many shots to the other player's torso. I curse angrily and reload another round, looking into the camera as I do. I see my face, emotionless and sad. The pain and sorrow is clearly visible in my expression. Staring, I am almost in a trance when I hear the doorbell.
        Snapping put of it, I take of my headphones and run downstairs to the door with my steps booming through the empty halls. I stop at the door and tidy myself up, not wanting to be questioned about my emotional state. Coughing slightly, I pull open the door.
        "You ordered pizza?"