Restless Heart

Chapter One

You felt your heart pound profusely as you held the letter close to you. For 48 hours, you have waited for this moment. A few weeks ago, Jared surprised you with big news. Something that you honestly didn't see coming.
He was going to get married to the beautiful, and talented Gen. The girl you grew close with over the years and someone you considered a very important part of your life. Until the moment you realized that you were going to lose Jared.
You were going to lose him to someone else. Watch him grow old with her, and make a family of their own. And though you knew you should be ecstatic for them both, you couldn't. And thats when it hit you.
You were in love with him.
Those feelings were pushed aside, many years ago. After the two of you both decided to end the short romance and just be friends, because neither of you could bear the thought of losing one another. And the way things were going for you both, you were on the path of something ugly. And that wasn't something you guys could risk.
"You going to stay for the reveal?" Jensen muttered, his mouth filled with gummy bears.
You shook your head, feeling your throat begin to knot. "N-no. I have to talk to Felicia about something." You hesitated, trying to refrain from crying. Your emotions were all over the place, and honestly you weren't sure how to handle it.
He eyed you for a moment, scanning your face for bluff. Jensen was a brother to you. After meeting him, you two instantly clicked and he has been a close friend ever since.
"You okay?" He asked.
You opened your mouth, but the door swung open and Jared along with Rob and Richard, made their way in.
You have been keeping your distance from Jared ever since he told you. You ignored his calls, ignored his texts. Today was the first time you saw him. And you couldn't help but feel sick.
"Hey! I didn't know you were here." Jared smiled, embracing you in his arms.
His scent was overbearing, but kept you on a high. Until he released, smiling down at you.
"I wasn't planning on it. But Richard convinced me to." You said shyly.
Richard flashed a soft smirk. He was the only one who knew exactly how you felt for the guy. He was the only one who understood the pain you were feeling every time you saw them together.
"Well I have to go." You forced out. "Break a leg out there you guys."
They all let out a chuckle and nodded.
"Hey, wanna get some drinks after? I missed you." Jared asked.
You swallowed hard as his words caused an ache to course through you. Something you were beginning to get used too. "S-Sure." you exhaled.
Before he had time to react, you practically ran out of the room. As the door closed behind you, you let out a breath you didnt know you were holding. You leaned against the wall, and looked up to the ceiling. "You can do this." You whispered to yourself.
———————-
As a few hours passed, it was finally time for the cast to make their way up to the panel. You met up with Richard, and handed him the letter.
"You sure about this?" You whispered.
He nodded, pursing his lips. "You have to tell him, Y/N. He deserves to know."
You nodded and gave him the letter. He pulled you in for a quick hug, and made his way on stage. Waving to the crowd, as they all cheered, he quickly placed the letter behind Jared's name and walked over to the podium.
"Hey Y/N!" A familiar voice rang from behind, making you jump.
"Shit Jared-" You panted, pressing your hand to your chest. "You scared me!"
He let out a chuckle, his shoulders bouncing up and down. "Sorry. I forgot how much of a drama queen you were."
You squinted your eyes at him, and playfully hit his arm. "Shut up."
Hearing him laugh was something you wish you could hear forever. It was like a soft melody ringing in your ears. And it always made you smile.
"Why haven't you been returning my calls?" He asked, growing serious now.
Your heart began to pace and though you wanted to tell him right there and then, you couldn't.
"Okay Jared, you are about to go up." Cliff stated.
You gave him a quick hug and took a step back. "Good luck out there."
Turning on your heels, you made your way back out to the crowd. Jared kept his gaze on you. He was so happy to see you today. You have been to every convention and every comic con with him. This was something you both shared together. Having you by his side through all of this, during the crazy uproar of the show, made him feel at ease with it all. He could never imagine doing any of this without you.
"Okay, you are up."
You felt your heart pound profusely as you stayed close to the door, staring up at the boys. It was time for him to finally read your letter. You couldn't help but feel anxious and nervous at the same time.
Rob was cracking a joke with Misha as Richard leaned over to Jared, pointing at the letter in front of him. "Y/N left this for you." He whispered.
Jared took the paper into his hands, unfolding it as he glanced up at you for a moment. Your breath hitched, and you couldn't handle the anxiety. So you slipped out of the room, and ran as far away from there as possible.
His eyes gazed at the words your wrote on the letter. Feeling his stomach flutter and his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

Dear Jared,
Where do I even begin?
I guess there is no way to say this. So here it is...I love you. I have always loved you and I dont think I ever will stop. When you told me you two were engaged, it killed me. It felt like you ripped my heart out and stomped on it right in front of me.
I don't want to hold anything back from you anymore. I cant, because you deserve to know. I held my tongue for too long, and now i think I'm too late. So this is my goodbye. I cant be here and watch you marry her. I cant watch you two fall more in love. I cant pretend I dont feel this way for you because every time I see you kiss her, or see the way you look at her, I die a little.
I hope you two have a great life together, I really do because All I want is for you to be happy Jared. I love you, and I always will. Im so sorry. Goodbye.
-Y/N.

He swallowed hard, feeling tears well as he stared intently at the water bottle in front of him. Jared felt as if he was hit by a truck. His chest ached, and his stomach churned.
He was confused, hurt, and most of all, angry. How could you do this to him now. How could you tell him that you couldn't be in his life? His throat knotted, making it hard to even breathe. And all he wanted to do was storm out of there. To find you.
His mind was racing with different emotions, different thoughts. He didn't know what to do.
But with all of that, he knew one thing was for sure. One thing he has been trying to push away, something he tried to brush off as nothing.
He was in love with you too. Since the day you two spent the night out under the stars, 4 years ago, all he wanted to say, all he ever wanted to tell you was that he loves you. And it scared him.