Katnip

Chapter One

"When you walk away I count the steps that you take,

Do you see how much I need you right now?"

-Avril Lavigne, When You're Gone

"I brought you this." Gale holds up a sheath.

When I take it, I notice it holds a single, ordinary arrow. "It's supposed to be symbolic. You firing the last shot of the war."

"What if I miss?" I say. "Does Coin retrieve it and bring it back to me? Or just shoot Snow through the head herself?"

"You won't miss." Gale adjusts the sheath on my shoulder.

We stand there, face to face, not meeting each other's eyes. "You didn't come to see me in the hospital." He doesn't answer, so I finally just say it.

"Was it your bomb?"

"I don't know. Neither does Beetee." he says.

"Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it."

He waits for me to deny it; I want to deny it, but it's hard. Even now I can see the flash that ignites her, feel the heat of the flames. And though I'm trying, trying so hard to separate that moment from Gale, I don't know if I can. To him, my silence is my answer.

"That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family," he says. "Shoot straight, okay?" He touches my cheek and turns to leave. I want to call him back and tell him that I was wrong. That I'll figure out a way to make peace with this. To remember the circumstances under which he created the bomb.

Take into account my own inexcusable crimes. Dig up the truth about who dropped the parachutes. Prove it wasn't the rebels. Forgive him. But he's walking away, and I feel dizzy, and I'm thinking too much, too fast, with thoughts and memories and nightmares whirling in my head.

I see his pain-filled, blue-green eyes meet mine, and I stumble forward.

"Wait."