A CAR, A TORCH, A DEATH. (t.j.) ✧ idkbrooklyn

a car,

i woke up.

i was sitting in the front seat of a car. my car. a 1994 mercury grand marquis. not that it matters. i must have fallen asleep.

to my left was the window, rolled down only about an inch, enough to let some air inside the interior. the setting surrounding the grand marquis was pitch black. it was the night. nothing but the stars and the headlights lighting the view in front of me. i blink, blink, blink again. the air felt thin. i try taking a deep inhale but to no avail.

it suddenly came to me what happened last night. as a distraction to stop the thoughts from overflowing once again, i start the car and begin to drive. i had no destination, i just went.

driving and driving then finally i come to a highway. i look and see headlights, all driving south. the direction opposite of mine. i begin to feel envious. i don't want to go down this path anymore. my hand falls to the door handle and i grip on.

but i realized. i thought and remembered. i can't live that pain i felt before. not again.

as the car is moving down the cement and the vehicles away from mine are driving opposite, my eyes move to see, hanging from the rear view mirror, an air freshener and a cross. i stare at the object hanging down and swaying with the movements of the car. i had their heart. i now began to understand. in Christian teachings, Jesus died for the sins of humans, which basically meant he died for love. this is why they died.

my eyes start to become heavy. as if every blink was harder to pull off than the last. focusing my attention back on the road, i eventually made it off the highway and found my way at the house. i don't know how or when i got there, but i did. i was there again. again.