Kenzie always dreams about the best summer of her life with a young boy by a beach. But when things turn violent at home and she's left on the streets of London, could all her dreams be coming true?
Wherever you may go, my dear, however far you roam, just think of me and you and that will bring you home - Home - Emily Moran (me) THIS SONG WILL BE MENTIONED IN THE CHAPTER!!
Andy was the boy from my dream. Except it wasn't a dream. It was a memory. Every night I remembered him. How did he find me? I was lost and alone in the desolate streets of London and he was the one that found me and took me in. Did he know that it was me straight away? How did he know that I was in London? How did he know that on that day, my mum was going to almost get killed and I'd have to run away. How did he know that the random train that I bought a ticket for would take me to London? Maybe he knew.
Or maybe it was fate. I'd never really been a believer in fate. I'd always thought it was just something to make sappy love stories seem sappier and happy stories seem happier. But maybe it was real. My favourite song lyric is 'Just think of me and you and that will bring you home'. I'd been having the dream about me and Andy at the lake for ages and ages. But then when I met him, I didn't have it anymore. Maybe that's because the thought of me and him had already brought me home. Maybe it was because I didn't need to dream anymore as I was there with him. Happy.
Andy said he loves me. No boy has ever said that to me before. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm too scared of talking to strangers. I couldn't even speak to my own mum on the phone, never mind flirt with boys. I've never been good at making friends or boyfriends or anything. Whenever I'm forced into going to family parties, I sit in the corner with my headphones. I swear I've met like three quarters of my family but haven't spoken to at least half of them. Family parties were just a place where we had to pretend to be a happy family. Nobody knows what's going on behind locked doors. They don't see it. They didn't see what my dad did. And now I was going to meet up with him.
Why was I doing this? He said he'd changed. Did I really believe him? Had he really changed? It's been a week. He can't have changed in a week. He hasn't changed in years.
Dad👿🐷: For God's sake, Kenzie. Hurry the hell up. Are you good for anything? You can't even turn up on time. Useless waste of space. You: I'm sorry dad. I'm coming. I'm sorry. Dad👿🐷: I'm sorry, sweetheart, someone took my phone. Love you You: I don't believe that, dad. Dad👿🐷: Why don't you have any faith in me?! Why do you think I'm this monster that doesn't care. I'm your dad, for god's sake! You: You could have killed mum. Dad👿🐷: I WISH I HAD. You know what?! I don't know if I did. But I hope she's back there at home, rotting because it's what she deserves. You: YOU MONSTER! I HATE YOU. THERE IS NO WAY I'M COMING TO MEET YOU NOW! Dad👿🐷: Come and meet me or you'll suffer the same fate as your pathetic excuse for a mother. You: Dad... Dad please calm down Dad👿🐷: You know where to meet me. Do it. Now. You: I'm coming dad. I'm sorry.
My hands were shaking as I put my phone back in my pocket. I took deep breaths and thought of things that made me feel safe. But the only thing I could think of was Andy. He'd rescued me from the streets of London. He'd bought me clothes, he'd given me a place to sleep. In the shopping centre, when I got scared, he'd hugged me so that I felt better. He'd spoken to me like I actually mattered. Andy was my safety.
But I'd messed that up. Since I was a kid, I've been to doctors and councillors and support groups and nobody knows what's wrong with me. Some people have said severe anxiety. Some people have said depression. Some people have said OCD. Some people have said slight autism. But I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just me. Often, my mum found it hard to cope. She didn't know how to deal with me. She didn't know what to do when I was at my worst. I worried about everything and had panic attacks most days. I didn't like people touching me. Even when we were in shopping centres or in town, if someone bumped into me or even just brushed their hand on my shoulder or something, I'd panic and feel like screaming. That was why I'd screamed at Mikey. I didn't mean to scream at Mikey. But he was a stranger and I didn't like him touching me. But Andy was different. Andy's hugs were nice. Andy's hugs were safe. I remember one of my old councillors said I should think of my favourite things when I was panicking. She said it would out balance the bad things. She told me a doctor who quote. It was 'The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things but vice versa. The bad things don't have to spoil the good things.' I liked that quote because it was believable. The quote understood that there are bad things and sometimes they're very bad things. But sometimes there are good things and sometimes they're very good things. But sometimes there are in between things and these are the things that I worry about. The things that you don't know whether they're good or bad untill they actually happen. Like talking to strangers. I used to think that talking to strangers was always bad. But then I spoke to Andy Fowler and that wasn't bad. But Andy wasn't really a stranger. But I thought he was so maybe that still counts. Andy belongs in my pile of good things. But then there's my dad. I'm going to see my dad and that feels like running head first into my pile of bad things.
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Hey guys! Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry it's been a while!
Also, I saw the boys on Sunday. I wore my lol ur not Andy Fowler t-shirt and Andy liked it which made me happy.
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- Emily xx
*Here's a picture of me and Andy from Sunday. I edited the flower crowns on. Here ya go!
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