Average Abnormalities

Chapter Two: Running Errands

"Mom, we're out of pizza nuggets!"

"I AM GOING TO THE STORE IN THIRTY MINUTES, JESSICA." I shouted, "I HEARD YOU THE FIFTH TIME." "I only said it three times." she corrected.

I took a deep breath and gripped the edge of the washer machine. It dented with a small creak as I moved my hand with a sigh. "I love children..." I whispered, "...children...are a blessing. Every child is a gift given by-"

*ding* *dong*

"Mom, get the door!"

I kicked the washer machine, creating a large hole in it. Perfect. Good job, Tris. You're a genius.

After congratulating myself on my stellar work, I answered the door with as much cool as I could muster.

It was Alec.

"Hi!" he smiled, "God, do I have a lot to tell-whaaaat are ya doin' there, friend?"

I picked him up around the waist after telling Jessica that I was gonna be out for a while by shouting it behind me. "You are coming with me to Best Buy and Giant." I said, putting him in the passenger seat of his car and buckling him in. "Ah, I love being held hostage. Really gets the blood pumpin'." "Shut up." I chuckled, getting into the driver's seat, "Gimme your keys."

"I see where your daughter gets her exquisite manners from." Alec grinned, "And, for your information, I don't have them. I lost them weeks ago."

I groaned and he started up the car for me.

"Just because I don't do things the conventional way, doesn't mean I'm wrong." he frowned. "Yes." I nodded as I pulled out of the driveway, "But, that still means you've been breaking into my house for the past four weeks. I have to get you new keys."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've broken into more than just your house. But, that's not the point!" he said dismissively, "Guess what I did yesterday!"

"You went on a date with that British guy?" I scoffed. "Yes!" he cheered, "And it was lovely! Oh, you should have seen him! He was so-"

"Wait, you went on a date with that British guy?" I asked.

"Mmhm." Alec nodded, "Anyway, he was absolutely-"

"YOU WENT ON A DATE WITH **THAT** BRITISH GUY??"

"Yes, now pay attention. His name is Sherlock." he scolded, "I really wanted to make it special for him, so I-" "Alec, he is your *roommate*. I got you one so you would learn to interact with people better. Not so you could play *Love Tester: Gay Edition*." "Oh, you're acting like I've just asked him out after the day he moved in!" Alec scoffed, "We've been living together for seven months, Beatrice. On top of that, we're always with each other. This shouldn't be a shock to you at all."

"I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE JUST...**FRIENDS**. LIKE 'BROS' OR WHATEVER." I cried defensively.

"Well, fine. I see how it is." Alec pouted, folding his arms, "I came here in a good mood to tell my friend something positive in my life and instead of support, all I get is *sass* and *abuse*."

An awkward silence filled the car.

"Was he cute?"

"Oh, lord, he was a *vision*."
---
We got to the Best Buy first, since I didn't want to rush due to frozen food left in my car and Alec (begrudgingly) came in with me.

"Why are we here?" he asked as we walked over to the 'household appliances' section. "My washer machine broke." I sighed.

"You kicked it again, didn't you?"

"I need to go back to anger management classes."

"Ah." Alec nodded, "Well, I can give a good tip." "Lemme hear it." I said absentmindedly as I walked down the aisle.

"**DON'T KICK WASHER MACHINES.**" he bellowed, causing the lights in the store to flicker.

"I'll make a note of it." I smiled, going on my tip-toes to pat him on the cheek.

He playfully shoved me and I chuckled. "I'd hit you back, but you would break your hip." "At least it wouldn't be another washer machine..." he muttered. "Oh yeah?" I sneered, "Well, at least I'm not...gay!"

Alec made a face of false disgust. "How *dare* you use such vile terms! That is *our* word."

I laughed and turned to look for someone who worked here because it had just hit me that I had no idea what I was doing.
---
After purchasing the new washer machine (and by 'purchase', I mean make Alec steal it for me), he and I went to Giant like I said.

"How's Jessica doing?" he asked, helping me reach her favorite cereal off the top shelf. "Oh, she's doing great." I smiled honestly, "I mean, she may be twelve, but them teenage mood swings...they make me wanna tape her mouth shut." He chuckled. "That's my lil' Jessie." "She loves that new guitar you got her." I remembered, "Like, she's been practicing nonstop for days. You really topped the birthday gift list this year."

"She better like it!" he said, "I actually paid for that thing this time!"

I giggled and got Jessica's favorite snacks. "Beth and I have a bet going. We think her son and Jess are gonna start dating, but she thinks it's gonna be in a month. I think it's gonna be in a year."

Alec groaned. "I may think Eric is fabulous, but Beth is the most cancerous woman I've ever met."

"You know you secretly like her. You two binge-watched *The Office* together just last week." I smirked. "That was only because I had a cold and forgot a can of Raid to spray that roach with." he said defensively.

I rolled my eyes. "You two are besties and you know it." He scoffed and added something to my cart.

"Jessica doesn't like pocky." I frowned.

"But I do." he smiled, "If you're gonna give me Beth-flashbacks, you gotta pay me ba-OH GOD YES."

I looked up to see Alec playing with a deck of Noah's Ark playing cards that were hanging on the side of the shelf.

"Pick a card, any card." he said, forcing me to walk up to him.

I drew a sheep out of the deck.

"Do you have it memorized?"

I nodded.

"Okay." he grinned, "Now, what's your social security number?"

"I'm done." I sighed, flicking the card at him. "What?!" he pouted, "I'm being a real magician!"

I hate taking Alec to the grocery store.
---
We drove back home and Alec pulled a Ross with the groceries (without using his powers) for twenty bucks, so that made my life easier.

I walked in to see Jessica holding a bag of pizza nuggets and hugging Alec with one arm. "Are you staying for dinner?" she asked, "Mom bought a rotisserie chicken yesterday." "No, I'm actually gonna head home." Alec sighed, "Sorry for passing up your exotic meal."

"He's just got to go see his boyfriend, honey. Don't take it personally." I smirked.

"YOU ACTUALLY FOUND SOMEONE?!" Jessica gasped sarcastically. "Ah, you sound just as abusive as your mother." Alec said, patting her on the head and walking back over to the front door, "Have fun with your chicken for the eighth night in a row."

"And you have fun with your...man!" I retorted, sounding way more pathetic than I planned.

Alec laughed and the door closed behind him all by itself.
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