Accidentally

Prologue

I'm really doing this. Am I really doing this? Whatever, let's just get this over with. I have my dad's high blood pressure pills to my right. Some adderals mixed with a couple xanaxes that I got from a guy in front of school on my right. Plus a cold can of Sprite to wash it all down because who the hell wants water as their last drink. I look at myself one time in the mirror and I see my double chin, my frizzy hair, caterpillar looking eyebrows, and for a moment I pray that a glo-up would magically happen but I open my eyes and I still look the same. 

"You got this! Just swallow the pills and you'll go to sleep for a little while and this will all be over." I try to hype myself up and I get sad because who the hell hypes themselves up to commit suicide? I shake the thought a off and I think of all the shit that led up to this point: I get suspended/possibly expelled from Manhattan's top private school, I haven't gloed-up yet while all these other girl around me look like they got the Kylie package from Dr. Miami, Mo broke up with me (technically he doesn't know I exist), and I browse the internet to speak to creepy old guys because I'm so lonely. My pending suicide seems justifiable, so that's it.

I am going to kill myself.

I take the Sprite, take a sip, and it tastes so good almost orgasmic (funny what trying to die does to you). I wonder if there's soda in heaven, I mean there should be it's freaking heaven. I take all the pills in my hand and shove them in my mouth and I wait too long to take a swig of the soda and the nasty pill taste touches my tongue and I gag.

"Don't punk out!"

I take a huge sip of the drink and now my mouth is filled with nasty pill taste and Sprite and I briefly think if this will have have an explosive reaction like Menthos and Coke. If that did happen, I feel bad for the paramedics that have to clean it up. I try to swallow but the pills won't go down and my gag reflex is going crazy. I try again to down the pills and by now the Sprite is warm and it has formed some sort of liquid with the pills and I finally give up and spit out the concoction in the sink. I heave in and out while the white foam goes down the drain.

"I can't even freaking kill myself right"