Relapse

Chapter 1

My mother woke me up 5 in the morning it was cold and dark and I was ready to throw the blanket over my head and moan at why she was desturbing me but stopped and hindered to do so  when I heard a stuter and  tears in her eyes  when she said *please my child do good today * it took me awhile to realise what all this was about it was the first day at my new school or only school as I was expelled by all three schools before that for not going to classes ..sometimes Even not going to school at all for days ,possession of drugs ,possession of alchol and in appropriate behaviour with girls but thinking back of how bad i felt being caught with a girl even thou I don't really get the point of why it was there business.

I snapped out of my flash back by the cold yet warm feeling of my mothers tears on my skin as it ran a maize like path through my tiny body hair and dropped on my pillow and tried to look up at hear light hazel brown eyes but couldn't as I realises in that moment that my eyes were filled with sadness and I couldn't breath to say a word so I did what came natural to me and kissed her forehead gently as I gave her head a slight hug and said *I'll try my best if you promise stop worrying so much*as she left the room I got out of bed my bodies hammering pulse vibrating through my body as I heard my bones crack and let out a mellow yawn not used to waking up so early as it been almost halve a year I was last at school and opened the window as dim shades of orange came in with the morning sun. I opened the window and threw my cigarette buds of the night before out just in case my mother decided to do some spring cleaning or scratch around in my room when I wasn't there which was unlikely but better safe than sorry.

She screamed do you want a lift maybe i can talk to your teachers if you want me too from the kitchen as she made breakfast and I  said nothing at the thought of being dropped of by your mother asking lot of questions and embarrassing me by saying something like I'm special and need extra attention.

I showered  while my mind drifted into the what ifs and possibilities of what could happen of the day wondering if I was doing the right thing for me .As I got a shirt I looked down at my wrists to see the marks and scars still carved into my skin screaming at me of my haunting past as I faded into a thought of the day it happened when my body and mind was so far part from all the weed I'd smoked that day and all the numiness and confusion in my body as I begged Jessica to help me and she said shhh and ripped my flesh open with a blade as she whispered sweet notes in my ear and started to feel myself start focus and feel something besides the numbness of my insanity as the blood dripped leaving a rather cool sensation on my wrist as she wiped it and kissed it with her ice cold lips making me dissolve in excticy.

Jessica was my girlfriend back then but know it just seemed like years a go.when I snapped out of it I made sure that it was covered as well as my tattoo as i wanted to create a good image with the teachers .when I finished my mom had already made breakfast and had already left for work as she had two jobs and didn't have much time for anything but that didn't help all my habits as it gave me ample time to do what I felt like and only increased temptation for a joint or a line at that thought I packed a box cigarettes and I lighter just in case things got bored and I need one. I ate and then started to walk to school the sun much warmer now remembering the way from the time when we came to enroll in the school.

On my way I started thinking to my self what would happen today and kept repeating u not doing it for you you doing it for your mother after all she does its the least you can do for her after stressing myself i decided to take a smoke break taking a single out rolling it over my nose to smell the sweet aroma of the tabbaco before lighting it and slowly inhaling until a switched clicked and I couldn't hold it any more it before relaxing my chest and letting it go and felt a warm feeling in my body kinda like a kettle and laughed at the image in my head.