Winona ✔

Six

Six

Maddie and Riley were hovering.

They were like a constant cloud that had to check my facial expressions every five minutes to make sure I wasn't about to go over the edge – that I wasn't going to break. They kept bringing up the messages and told me how Jamie and Christie weren't true friends if they would leave me during a time like this.

A time like this.

I wasn't going through emotional turmoil. I wasn't in need of a therapist. I didn't need anyone to check on me. The app was deleted and I was fine. I was fine.

"Winona?" Riley asked when she realized I wasn't paying attention.

"Let's just not talk about the messages," I said. "They won't be coming in anymore anyway so there's no point in dwelling on it."

Maddie looked unsure. "But you seemed pretty upset..."

"I'm okay," I said. "Really. It was just me freaking out, as usual."

"Look, Winona, we're here for you," Riley said. "It doesn't matter if you think you're okay or not. We're always going to be here."

"I know," I nodded.

Did I? There they were, standing right in front of me and saying they weren't going anywhere. Saying they weren't going to leave. Saying they didn't even care about the video. Saying they were there for me. But I couldn't do it.

I dragged in a harsh breath. I couldn't do it. No matter what they said, no matter what they did, I would never be able to accept the comfort they're giving me.

This was my problem.

"As long as you know," Riley said and Maddie made a noise of agreement.

"I do," I said. "Really."

Liar, my brain told me but I shut it out. Shutting things out was better than facing it. And right now, the last thing I wanted to do was go through an intervention with my friends about things they will never understand. No one will ever understand.

They didn't have a video of their deepest secret being shared online for everyone to see. They didn't have the whole school whispering things behind their back. No one was shifting their chair away from them. No one was moving out of their way as if they were the plague. They didn't have to be terrified every time their phone got a notification.

I said goodbye to them, ignoring their unsure faces and walked down the hallway, meeting Becca outside by the track. She smiled as she headed over to me. There was no look of fake concern on her face. Just a reassuring smile and a wave of her hand.

I smiled back. It wasn't a bright smile that pushed my cheeks up or lightened my eyes, but it was something. And something was always better than nothing.

"How're you doing?" Becca asked.

"Not bad," I said. "You?"

"Great," she sighed happily. "Starving though."

"Well that's a problem we can definitely fix. Let's get something to eat."

***

Later in the library, I headed towards an empty table in the corner to get some work finished. There was a table with a group of girls and guys on it and as I walked past it, the table erupted in whispers and hushed laughs.

"Is that her?" someone whispered.

"Yeah, yeah," someone else whispered back. "She's the one all over the group pages."