At night I catch myself laying awake, thinking "what is it that keeps me up?" I just get some tea or warm milk An try and fall asleep. I get 3 hours of sleep at max, that is when my brain isn't bouncing around in my head so hard that I get head aches. I get up and go to school as if nothing is wrong, when I can count more things wrong than right. I take a deep breathe and put on my best fake smile. No one seems to notice it's fake. I've gotten better at hiding it. I've gotten better at hiding my scars, and holding back. Through out my whole day, I can push my feelings away. But once I get home An get nice and warm in bed, I take off my worn down 'smile', and I cry. I cry to the point my eyes hurt. I cry because I'm depressed. Yea, I'm depressed. My Anxiety keeps me from talking to people,insomnia holds me hostage. And at times I feel like I'm in a glass room, everyone watching as depression, anxiety, insomnia and life beat me down. And no one looks away. They look me in my eye, and still don't notice. They can watch me change and won't notice the new scar on my arm that's so fresh it's still bleeding, they can look me in my face An still won't tell I haven't been sleeping, I wear a bathing suit and they think I'm getting my summer body together. No. I'm not, I either don't eat or I throw it up. How can no one see? I have no one to tell about how I've been feeling. People say they care, but they don't. They want to feel bad for me, but they can't. Everyone has shut me out, and can I blame them? But no I won't kill myself, I'll just help the people that hurt me. But I'll just wait, I'll wait until my anxiety gets me killed, or my depression takes me over a bridge, or insomnia goes to far, or maybe I'll wait until I cut to deep, will you see me then....?
