All alone once again

When I was young and innocent

When I was young I never seemed to have a problem but, when I look back I see how sad my childhood was. First born I never new my sister. Same Father different mother. Only a year a part. I never knew till now, oh how naive I was, my father was a bastard cheater. He cheated my mother while she was still pregnant with me and soon enough one of the women he banged with no remorse, bore my sister . Who I never knew when I was young. My family was poor and we had to live with my grandmother, grandfather, and uncle. We had no room for my father (or so I thought, he was actually kicked out because of his actions) so he stayed at my Abuelita's till I was around 3. When I had the bright idea of bunk beds.

He moved in and happily ever after right? Wrong. Mother and Father always fought. And I was always alone. No friends or family to play with as all I ever heard were shouts. I was forced to drown out the voices with my toys and imaginary friends that in reality, I knew were never there. I was all alone. Ever since young. I know what your thinking . 'How could I be so alone with such a big family?' Easy. Grandfather was asleep during the day because he worked graveyard. Grandmother was away at work till 6. Father was at the liquor store working what seemed like endless hours. Mother most of the time was stay at home mom. I never had friends to play with. And no family ever came to the house. I only ever went to places on special occasions. When I started preschool however abuelita took me to her house after school . Sometimes my cousin would visit but.. he moved away. And I don't think I've ever seen him again . Not since his mom got full custody over him.

So I was always alone. Before school ever started. I had made new friends at the preschool. But I remember knowing they never actually liked me. I remember having to dress up and play by myself a lot. So I was always alone. I was so young and innocent I never once thought how unfair this was. But I never cared nor cried because I was happy. Long as I believed SOMEONE out there cared and loved me. Why can't I be like that again? I loved being young. Never having to worry. No responsibilities. Just loving and being loved. Even if it's only the family around you. It was wonderful. I wanna be young and innocent again.