The Two Sides of Alec

Jar of Hearts

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

It was a few weeks after that Council meeting where he'd seen the warlock again, and Alec was sitting in a Downworlder bar. Yeah, not exactly his thing, but he was in the mood for a drink and according to Izzy, this was a good place to hear some reliable gossip.

He sat down at the bar, ordered a beer, and looked around detachedly. The bartender slid his drink down to him, and he downed it in a few gulps. Then he just sat, waiting for some good gossip to eavesdrop on. Surprisingly enough though, the gossiper came right to him.

"Hey, you're that Alexander Lightwood, right?" the bartender asked, mixing a drink for another customer.

"Uh, yeah. Why?" Alec asked wearily. The bartender was---of course---a Downworlder. He was actually a werewolf, a scary looking one at that.

"Well, I had a fellow in hear the other day asking about you. He was a warlock, something Bane I think? You know the guy?"

Alec dug his nails into the tabletop. "Yes, I know the warlock. Do you know why he was looking for me?"

"Word on the street is that he's looking for you because he's interested in you. Though from what I've heard about him, I'd recommend you stay away from him, wouldn't want you to get hurt like all his other 'interests,'" the bartender winked at him, and handed the other customer his drink.

Alec attempted a smile. "Thanks for the heads up." He left immediately after that.

So, the warlock was looking for him, huh? Fat chance of anything coming out of that. If that warlock got anywhere within punching distance, he'd show him just how much it hurt to get your heart beat around.

Alec was much too strong and too smart to come crawling back to that man like he wanted him to. He'd never be that warlock's Shawdowhunter-toy ever again.

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Now it was too late, with all the dodging around he'd been doing to avoid the warlock, his memories had resurfaced. There was no stopping it now. He'd have to deal with whatever phantom pain his chest would have from where his heart was missing.

Alec remembered how he'd felt for the first few months or so after the breakup. It had felt like his heart was being ripped into pieces, little by little, each shred disappearing after being torn away by the warlock. He didn't want to do anything for a long time, too focused on his own pain and misery.

But one day, when his heart was pretty much gone, he'd decided he'd keep living. He shouldn't have had to give up his whole life because of one warlock. One stupid mistake wasn't going to kill him (as long as it wasn't on a hunt).