t h i r t y - n i n e
dedicated to my gooey brain; unedited
nate
"So, basically, he ran over the squirrel, realized that he did that, then ran back over it, all while he was drinking some water," a pale brunette ecstatically gushed, waving her hands around as if she were communicating in a feigned sign language. Her hands seemed to be reigning some control over me; however, as every time her wrist twisted, my stomach flipped and my heart quite literally burst out of my chest, and then coiled back in, only to repeat the same process once more.
"Where did you find this girl, Ryan?" I groaned, shifting my weight to press up against the glass window of Ryan's truck. Each passing moment seemed to make my heart beat faster, with nausea fighting for control over my consciousness.
"I don't know," he shrugged nonchalantly, "she seemed nice at the time. And I needed a date."
"To make Alex jealous," I supplied with a smirk, earning a swift smack in the head from Ryan's free hand. My smirk remained on my face until my mind flashed back to Jade's date with Eric. After this, it promptly sank into a deep frown, and was accompanied with my furrowed eyebrows.
"Fuck off," he muttered angrily, staring at the soft gray blur of the road. The bonfire was visible now, a glimmer of orange in the near distance, with its flames stretching to the black clouds in the black sky.
"So, Carly," I started, sending Ryan a flash of a smile, "I'm sure Ryan would love to hear all about your gel pen collection."
"Fuck you," Ryan grumbled with another quick shove, before glancing back at Carly with pitiful despair. I could tell he was miserable, and it was almost frustrating in a way, how he refused to acknowledge the idea that he might like Alex.
"I have around seventy right now, but I'm getting more this weekend," she grinned, continuing to explain the texture of the gel ink and her favorite brands. A few minutes later, I let her voice fade into a dull drone, and let my mind wander to Jade's beautiful smile.
"Nate, dude, we're here," Ryan told me, sliding his car between two faded black cars. It felt like only a few moments had passed since we had left Ryan's house, a full fifty miles away from the beach where the bonfire was at, and my nausea didn't get much better from when we had left to now, as both of my feet hit the tar road.
"Yeah," I cleared my throat unsuccessfully, "let's go."
"Daydreaming about Jade?" he asked with a slight smile, humor lighting up in his eyes. My heart caved in a little as I thought of telling Jade about how I felt, and ruining one of the most important relationships in my life right now.
"Possibly," I digressed, an uncharacteristic splotch of red forming on my cheeks. I felt heat rush to my head, so I closed my eyes in anticipation for Ryan's dramatic reaction.
"OH-EM-GEE! Is Nate Williams blushing?" Ryan squealed loudly, attracting the attention of everyone in the parking lot, including a very uncomfortable Carly. She shifted her weight as she deliberated between staying near an embarrassing Ryan, or escaping to the crowd she had been eyeing as soon as we had gotten here.
"You know, um, Ryan, I think I'm going to go hang out with my friends for the rest of the bonfire," she mumbled, waving a peppy hand goodbye to the both of us. I didn't exactly feel bereft as she left, but once she did, and the dizziness stayed, I knew I couldn't blame it on anything but the thought of talking to Jade.
"You scared off Carly," I accused, pointing a shaky finger at him, trying to draw attention away from myself now that Carly had left.
"Fuck, I need to find a replacement. Fast," he panicked, his eyes widening in terror.
"Just talk to Alex," I suggested futilely, before earning an unimpressed huff as he stalked off.
Fuck.
I walked from the parking lot towards the general direction of the smoke, every step causing an earthquake in my heart.
What if she doesn't like me? She's so much smarter than me. What if she just thinks I'm a dumbass jock who she likes texting occasionally? Could I live with that answer?
I placated myself with a shaky maybe, but I knew the real answer was a resounding no.
I took the last few steps into the open pavilion, filled with drunk teenagers, and broke through the heavy crowds surrounding the large flame. My eyes searched for Jade's bright green eyes, and as soon as they grazed over an empty bench, except for a lone figure, huddled, as if expecting something terrible, I knew it was her.
But even as I knew it was her, I couldn't approach her. Not yet. She was too real, now. my feelings were undeniable. After I finally walked up to her, there would be no reversing whatever damage I do to what we have.
And although I couldn't live with that, I soon realized that I couldn't survive without knowing whether she cared about me as well.
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Romance"I was really invested in the story; even though you only get to know the characters through what they say, they still grabbed my attention and kept me eager to read more..." -swiftiebunny
