Attracting Trouble

Chapter 20: The Night Everything Fell Apart

"You're gonna laugh but..." he tugs on the beanie he has on his head. "I want to be a police officer."

I stare at him for a second, my mouth purposefully agape. "What? You're serious? You, of all people, want to be a cop?"

Will chuckles but I can tell it's forced. "Yes, the kid who's been sent to military school because he was so misbehaved and got arrested a couple times wants to be a cop. Surprise!"

A light breeze pushes past us and I pull the hood of my sweatshirt over my head. "First of all, a couple times?"

"Okay, a few more than a couple times," he corrects.

I chuckle. "Second of all, what made you decide that?"

"I don't know, I think the authority they have sparks something, you know?" I nod my head. "They have the power to make a difference. I'd like to do that, at least just once. And don't you tell anyone I said that."

I can't help but grin at him, feeling my heartbeat pick up a little. "You've already made a difference in some people's lives, Will." His cheeks grow rosy, but he still smiles and looks out at the view in front of us.

I try to look away, but the way he looks right now - happy, calm, relaxed - looks so different from how he looked when he walked into my hospital room. He turns to look at me too and neither of us look away for a few seconds. The both of us are smiling like idiots.

I don't want to ruin the moment, but I can feel my brain working against me. "I wish I had everything figured out. As of right now, is just like to travel the world. See things for myself. Experience the world before real life smacks me in the face.

"I know it sounds stupid, but that's what I want to do. Mom and Dad might never understand that, though. In their eyes, I'd be stupid to take a year off school to explore. They have two perfect daughters that have their lives together, well, mostly. I know I'm the dud of the family, but I think I'm ready to embrace that. Does that sound crazy?"

Will stares at me as if he's shocked I just said all that. "How could you call yourself a dud? You're the most... outspoken, charismatic, kind person I've ever met. I think that if taking time off and exploring the world is what you want to do, then you should do it."

I'm not sure what to say, so the only thing that comes out of my mouth is "thank you". It's hard to believe that a month ago I wouldn't be able to imagine myself telling him thank you.

"Jess," Will says, drawing my attention back to him. "I just want you to be happy."

I have the feeling he isn't just talking about my future career, but also my relationship with him. If there is one.

"I want you to be happy too," I reply. And for the first time, I realize how true my words are. I think that finally, since everything fell apart, I've finally forgiven him.

He suddenly turns serious, turning his body to me and taking the blanket from his shoulders to wrap completely around me.

"If I'm going to be happy, then I need to say something." I feel myself tense up at what he could say. "Today I got into another fight with Connor. I punched him and he didn't hit me back, so I got kicked out for three days."

I try to interject, to explain that I'm sorry that Connor won't just leave him alone, but he holds his hand up and continues. "Listen before you lecture me, okay? I did it because he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He shouldn't have touched you, and he shouldn't keep acting like a prick about it.

"He didn't deserve your heart, Jess. He didn't deserve your mind and your soul. I k ow I didn't either and I probably still don't but... I try to get over it, Jessa, I really do. But I can't. I can't get over the fact that I'm still in love with you."