Poetic failure

five: the uncertantiy

Unsure.

That's the word I'd use to describe me right now.

I'm unsure of everything, I'm unsure of what I should say, what I shouldn't, to tell the truth, to lie, to smile, or cry.

I'm just a bundle of uncertainty accompanied by anxiety. And that my friend is not the best way to be feeling in a situation like mine. Maybe it's in my genetics, after all my family does have a long history of anxiety and fuck ups which unsurprisingly doesn't seem to help reassure me.

I'm not sure as too why exactly I lack the certainty that most frolic about with. But my track record of success might help explain a generous amount of the overwhelming feelings that seem to suffocate me and my thoughts.

sometimes I wonder if others feel this way, if it isn't just me in this isolation of pain and uncertainty. it's quite humorous really, me being uncertain of others being uncertain.

but other than that uncertainty is hardly funny it's like being thrown into a room surrounded by darkness and then being told to find a door that leads to the unknown. 

quite confronting isn't it.

I'm not sure if I'm destined to fail or succeed. or even just live out a boring bland life.

but I'm sure that I can try.

because if I fail then at least I can say I tried.

if everything falls apart and I'm left alone with nothing and no one. I can at least have that shred of pride within me knowing that I tried, that I struggled, that I dug my way up that treacherous mountain with bloody nails and bruised knees.

even if I am to just be discarded right down to the bottom of that mountain with a trail of blood and the tremble of the earth.

so try, I will.

and fail, I might.

but with these feelings of uncertainty at least I can say I'm not giving up just yet.

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don't know if anyone can relate but if so than I'm sorry you're in the same boat.

honestly fuck uncertainty.

-🌱