title || fame
author || britishirishaussies
length || 5 chapters
desc || 'MCKAYLA CLAIRE GREENE!' The host screamed into the microphone, announcing that she had won.
All of her hard work finally paid off. She was going to save her mom. She was going to be a star. She was going to live her dream. But, what if the perfect life disappeared, just as quick as it came? What if... Everything's gone? What if... She looses everything? Everything... As in... All of her friends, family, boyfriend, exc... And all that's left are broken hearts and rivers of tears? The limelight is a tough place, but when Harry Styles, British heart throb, stumbles upon the young, rising to fame, popstar Mckayla... Can he pick up the pieces and most of all... Make her strong?
* RATING AT THE BOTTOM
-x-
Overall, your story was very nice. You are a great writer, and I can really feel your character's emotion. Word usage is pretty nice also, just try to add some more vocabulary to better describe and give readers a more sense of the scene.
There are only a few things I would suggest you work on, which would mostly be conventions [i.e spelling, punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and paragraphing.] In your case, this would only be punctuation, capitalization, and maybe just a little paragraphing. There are some words that don't need to be capitalized and sometimes where you used ellipses when it should have been commas or periods. Although that is more your creative style, using less ellipses would give the writing a better flow.
When you are writing, assuming you are writing in past tense, be sure to stick with one tense. I've noticed you occasonally write in past tense but sometimes present, and although many would not notice this, many writers will. It's not a big issue really, it was only a minor thing, like here: My heart was pounding, my hands were sweaty, the time has finally come. Was and were are both past tense, but has is present. If you are writing in past tense and your character is telling the story to someone after it happened, it should be had.
Your paragraphing overall is pretty good, yet there are some places where you have started a new line but maybe should've continued the previous one. Last thing is, when you are writing dialogue, use punctuation marks instead of apostrophes. Apostrophes have three main functions;
• indicate possession [ e.g girl's cat ]
• stand for substituted letters [ e.g don't= do not ]
• used to form the plural of certain letters and numbers [ e.g the 90's ]
Whereas quotation marks signalize direct speech, dialogues, or quotations. Oh my gosh, I feel so mean but I swear this is just constructive criticism and if you take this the wrong way please tell me.
ANNNNYYYWAYS, time to rate:
Plot // 9/10
Conventions // 7.9/10
Overall // 8/10
