Im seating on my couch still nervous about the letter.
I hesitate to open it cause I feel that something's bad news in it.
As I found myself opening it
Dear Christian,
Hi Christian! How are you?
Hope you're doing good.
First of all I would like to thank you for everything you've done for me. For letting me spend your time with me and for letting me into your home.
I was scared that I had no one to run to, but you were there. You accepted me and you were there always.
I know
I know everything Christian.
I know that you're watching me from a far.
I know that you always care for me and wanted to talk to me.
But I pretend that I didnt hear you or I'll just nod in every single thing you say.
And Im so happy that you did it, Christian.
In a short period of time, I came to like you. That kind of like that makes my cheeks flush and sends thousands of butterflies in my tummy.
You made me happy.
Im happy even though Im a messed up and crying my eyes out in your arms.
Im happy because for the first time in my 17 years of leaving, someone was there.
Someone was there to make me laugh, to listen to my boring stories and to hold me.
But I feel bad.
I feel bad that I feel like Im a burden to all of people around me. And I admit, Im not okay. I have issues that Im afraid to tell you cause I dont want you to leave me or be scared about it.
You are the only one I have.
But I want to be honest with you so Im telling you this right now.
It was the voices, christian.
They never leave me no matter how hard I try.
I feel myself falling, the voices screaming around me,that Im a waste of space. I can hear my father, my mother, people at school.
Its true I should leave this place, no one wants me here.
Things have gotten worst and I cant take it anymore. They're killing me bit by bit.
And I cant stop them.
I remember what you said to me when we're in your apartment.
You made me promise that I will never gonna do it again.
But I did, Christian.
Im so sorry.
But it feels right and it makes me calm.
Im sorry for breaking my promise.
I wanted to go and run to you, but Im ashamed for breaking my promise and terrified that once you saw me in that state, you will get mad and leave me like everybody did.
I know that Im selfish for doing it.
I thought it was the end of my miserable life.
Im still here, alive but dead inside.
They've decided to send me to a mental hospital to take a therapy.
Even I hate therapy, I still gave it a shot.
You dont deserve to like someone that have mental issues and hurt herself cause she cant control herself.
I want to be okay.
I'll try atleast.
Giving it a chance wont hurt me (hope so)
They send me to St. Patrick Psychiatric Center.
If you want to visit me you can come.
It'll be nice if you'll come.
But I'll totally understand if you're mad and disgusted at me.
I deserve it.
But I hope you will come.
I'll be here, waiting...
Love,
Hayley
P.S. I like you Christian... No I think I love you
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This is the longest chapter Ive ever made in this story!! Many things happend in this chapter! And dont worry hayley's fine.
