Failure

I'm a failure

What is success? I've only experienced it a couple of times in my life. It made me feel so good. I was proud of myself.

When was the last time I felt that way? It was so long ago that I can't even remember.

Right now in my life I feel like a failure. In other words, I feel like a nuance and a loser.

I know I've got potential. I know I've got the brains. Although what else do I have?

Actually the question I should be asking is what don't I have? I don't have self-discipline, self-motivation, or time management. I'm not organized or optimistic. I'm definitely not independent.

How will I live life if I don't acquire these skills?

"You failed, and I know you'll fail again!"

"Well look at what happened last time. Who says it can't happen again?"

"You just can't make your own decisions."

"You have potential, but you keep wasting it. I just don't know how to help you."

"I don't believe in you."

I'm a lost cause. I'm useless. I'm so tired of feeling helpless. Everyone just keeps pointing out my mistakes from my past as if it will become my future.

I feel so lost because I'm stuck in this rotten situation. The solution looks so far from reachable, yet deep down I know I can get there. Although, I keep holding myself back.

My fears, my doubts, my failures — they all drag me down. I wish I didn't feel this way. I'm so helpless and vulnerable and too anxiety ridden. I wish you could believe in me, but the truth is, I'll never be enough.

If only I was enough for me.