can't let go

01

adele|

"Will you just promise me one thing?" I ask him, resting my head in his chest.

"Anything, my love." He says, his deep voice vibrating through me as he holds me close.

"We'll always be together."

"I promise."

* * *

"Mum, you slept in! I have to be at school in ten minutes!!"

I am woken from a peaceful sleep by 15-year-old Angelo. Hurriedly, I get out of bed and run a brush through my tousled hair. I look down at my pajamas and accept that it's what I'll be wearing to drop him off.

"I don't have time for that." I say, looking at my toothbrush and my face wash.

Angelo stands in the doorway impatiently staring at me. "You think?"

We rush out the door and as I press down on the gas and begin to pull out of the driveway, he starts laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny about being late?" I say, speeding down the road.

"Mum, stop driving."

"Angelo! You're late for school!"

"There's no school today."

I stare at him with a confused expression. "What do you mean there's no school today?"

"It's Saturday."

"You're kidding."

"Look at your phone." He shakes his head.

I turn on my phone and see all my unread messages as well as the date.

Saturday, November 17.

"Do you think you're funny?" I say to him, unamused.

He just laughs. "I can't believe you got this far without noticing."

"I didn't have time to notice!" I yell, turning around in some random driveway. "You woke me up on a Saturday morning!"

"Come on, that was funny!" He laughs.

I shake my head, not willing to admit that it was. "In a few days it will be, but right now, I'm not very happy."

"Sorry, mum. You can go back to sleep."

"Not after that I can't!" I say as we walk back into the house.

He sets his stuff on the table and opens the fridge. "Mum?"

"What could possibly be the problem now?" I say from the table, sipping on tea.

"We have no food."

"Angelo, there's cereal in the pantry, isn't that what you eat for school anyways?"

"I'm tired of cereal. And it's Saturday." He complains.

I sigh. "Well, considering the fact that I won't be going back to sleep, why don't we go out for breakfast?"

He grins. "Let's go!"

The smile on his face looks exactly the same as it did ten years ago when he was just a little boy, eagerly yelling "Let's go!" every time someone said the word "park."

Time goes too fast.

* * *

"Your dad wants you to go to back to London for a few weeks over Christmas break." I say to him, showing him Simon's text.

Angelo sighs. "Will you let me?"

"I don't know. I don't want to spend Christmas without you."

"Why don't you come with me? We'll go home together." He says as he bites into a pancake.

I shake my head, definitely not in favor of that. "I don't know what home is anymore." I say, immediately wondering why I said it to my teenage son.

"Home is where your heart is, mum." He says calmly, looking out the window.

I smile. That's something Simon would say. I swallow down my emotions, looking at his sweet young face. My heart is with him. He's home. How is he already fifteen? Didn't I just celebrate his first birthday with him yesterday? "You're right. Home is where you are, peanut."

Normally, he rolls his eyes and says that I can't call him that anymore because he isn't a baby.

Today, however, he doesn't say anything. He must know my heart is perplexed.

"Can I ask you something?" He says suddenly.

I take a sip of my water and nod.

"Do you miss dad?"

My heart aches a little. I miss Simon so much. He had a special and big piece of my heart years ago and he still carries a piece of it with him.

"Sometimes I do." I say, being partially-honest.

"Why don't you try to call him? He's still single too."

"That doesn't mean he's still in love with me."

"That's exactly what it means." He says matter of factly.

I laugh, hiding the small heartbreak that's still left inside of me. "We both moved on a long time ago. At least he did." I say, looking down to the floor.

Angelo takes my hand. "Mum, we should go home for Christmas. What's the worst that could happen?"

I nod. He's right. "I'll consider it."

He smiles in satisfaction and continues to eat.

Becoming his mother is still the best thing that's ever happened to me.