A New Life

Chapter 3

A woman screamed. She had been ripped open from breast to pelvis, all of her organs on display. Iruka didn't know her, but he felt like he should've. He felt that he should have mourned for the unnamed woman whose life was being ripped away from her. But he didn't have time to mourn. A blood-covered hand plunged through his skin, into his belly and he screamed.

Iruka woke up screaming. Strong arms holding onto him. He tried to fight them, to escape the tight hold, but he couldn't, they were to strong. He couldn't move, couldn't escape.

"Iruka, Iruka, wake up. Open your eyes Iruka. . . Iruka."

Kakashi. That was Kakashi and Kakashi's arms are around him. He was in their bed in their house and he was safe. But yet he didn't feel safe.

He let Kakashi pull him back down beneath the covers. He twisted in Kakashi's hold and curled into Kakashi's chest, pressing tight against the warm, solid flesh as tears rolled down his eyes. His chest shook with sobs that he fought to keep in. Kakashi's hands rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"I'm sorry," Iruka sobbed. He hated feeling like this. He hated crying. He hated that he couldn't stop. "I'm sorry."

"Shh." Kakashi squeezed him and didn't let go. "It's okay. You're safe. I'm here."

"Sorry." He pressed his eyes shut. It didn't stop the tears but it slowed them down.

"It's okay."

He breathed in Kakashi's scent. His body slowly unwound, calming part by part. Kakashi's hands soothed the tension out of him. His tears dried. His shivering slowed to nothing.

He breathed.

"Better?"

He nodded. Iruka slowly pulled away. "Thank you." He looked up at Kakashi. There was no reproach there, only concern. "I'm sorry."

Kakashi's thumb brushed against Iruka's cheek. "You don't need to be."

This was becoming far too familiar an argument. Iruka sighed. He kissed Kakashi once, soft, and then rolled away, slipping out of bed. The bedroom floor was far too cold in comparison. Part of him wanted to crawl back in bed with Kakashi but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He never could after one of his nightmares.

He turned the shower up as hot as it would go. The blistering heat scoured his skin, chasing away the morning chill and replacing it with warmth. His skin burned red, but he didn't care.

The water cooled to a more normal level. Iruka opened his eyes and watched through the clinging veil of his wet hair as Kakashi joined him in the shower. He smiled and leaned against Kakashi. Strong hands worked shampoo into his hair. He let Kakashi tilt his head back into the shower spray. His eyes closed as Kakashi rinsed the shampoo out and stayed closed as Kakashi put conditioner on the tips and then started to soap up Iruka's body. Kakashi's hands brushed over Iruka's stomach and he winced, instinctively pulling away.

"It's okay," Kakashi whispered as he pulled Iruka back against him.

Kakashi kissed him once and then turned Iruka into the spray to rinse off. He stayed there as Kakashi quickly washed, and then switched places, watching from the other side of the shower as Kakashi rinsed himself. He smiled.

When the water shut off, Iruka was the first to reach for a towel. He stepped close to Kakashi and rubbed the towel over Kakashi's hair. It stood up in uneven spikes when he was done, making him smile even more. They took turns drying each other off before stepping out of the shower.

Iruka was lucky. He was reminded of that every morning. He was so lucky to have Kakashi and his patience for Iruka and Iruka's slow recovery. He knew Kakashi wasn't upset about it, he didn't blame Iruka, but Iruka couldn't help blaming himself. It'd been months since his kidnapping. He didn't even remember much of it, but that didn't stop him from having nightmares.

Kakashi followed him into the bedroom. They both turned to their respective dressers and dressed in silence. Iruka frowned as he pulled on his pants. He was gaining weight, which was weird since he'd barely been eating. Maybe his clothes had shrunk, or he'd grabbed Kakashi's by mistake. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Kakashi. Kakashi's pants seemed to fit fine. He sighed and tried on a different pair to the same result. He'd have to buy new pants if he gained any more weight.

His stomach rolled. He glanced at the clock. There was no time to make breakfast, but he should be able to pick something up on the way to class. His stomach would be hell all day if he didn't. He hated feeling this way, sick and tired and hating himself for being so weak.

Kakashi's arms came around him. He felt Kakashi's nose brush against his neck and he smiled in spite of himself.

"Have a good day at work."

Iruka craned his neck to press a kiss against the corner of Kakashi's jaw. "Come home safe." His nightmares were always worst before Kakashi left for a mission.

Kakashi pressed a kiss below Iruka's ear. "I promise."

Iruka knew he should say something about not making promises you can't keep, but he desperately wanted Kakashi to keep this promise. He was terrified every time Kakashi left that something would happen to him. It hadn't yet, but their time would come one day. Until then, he liked to hope that Kakashi would keep his promise, would come back to him safe and whole.

He forced a smile that was only half fake. It was getting easier to smile, easier to just be, to live without fear that Orochimaru was going to come back for him, was going to use him to do something horrible. He was okay, or at least close enough. Kakashi would be okay.

"I'll keep you to that." He kissed Kakashi to seal their promise.

Kakashi would come back to him. He had to.