heartache // james yammouni

Chapter 17

Our food arrived, we spent the rest of the date talking, we had the best conversations and he was so funny.

Once we finished eating and we were ready to go, we got up and went over to the front counter to pay, Ben insisted on paying for me, and we walked out of the resturant holding hands.

" How is you paying for my lunch once again paying you back for yesterday?" I asked him as I sat in his car.

" We'll maybe we will have to go out again?" He asked with a cute smile on his face.

" Yeah, I'd like that" I said as I smiled back.

" But your still not paying if we have another date!" Ben said and I laughed at him, he was adorable and he was the perfect guy, the guy every girl wants, but I was questioning if he is the guy that I want....

Ben drove me home, he pulled up outside of the house. He jumped out of the car and ran around to my door to open for me, he held my hand and helped me out of the car.

" Thanks" I said to him.

" No worries, will I see you again?" he asked.

" Of course" I replied and I gave him a hug and he kissed me on the cheek.

" Goodbye" I said to him.

" Bye Anna" he said and he got into his car and I walked down the driveway, I stopped at the front door and turned around and waved goodbye to Ben, then he drove away.

I turned the handle on the door, it was locked and I didn't have any keys to open it.

" Damn it!" I grunted. I knocked on the door, I knew that someone was home because I could hear all the noisy boys arguing inside. No one answered, so I knocked again but louder. The door swung open.

" Hello" Jai greeted me.

" Hey, let me in" I said and he stepped away from the doorway and I walked in.

" So where have you been?" Jai asked cheekily.

" Lunch" I replied.

" WHO WAS AT THE DOOR?" I heard Luke yell.

Jai and I walked down to the kitchen where Luke, Beau, James and Daniel were standing.

" Hi" I said to them all.

" Hey Aaannnaaaa" they all said back at the same time. I noticed they had a camera set up in front of them.

" Oh are you filming?" I asked.

" Yeah we were just about to start a new Dare Sundays" Beau said.

" We haven't recorded anything yet" Luke added.

" So what challenge are you doing today?" I asked.

" Arizona tea challenge, but we are using these huge ones" Daniel said as he held up a 2L bottle full of Arizona tea.

" Your going to do it inside?" I laughed.

" Yeah why not?" Beau asked.

" Well first of all Beau, you vomit every Dare Sundays! and guaranteed you are going to make such a mess in here!" I pointed out.

" Dibs not cleaning the vomit!" Beau yelled.

" Dibs not cleaning vomit!" Luke also yelled.

" Just go outside" I said to the clueless boys.

" Lets go outside" James said, then all the boys went outside by the pool to film.

" What would we ever do without you Anna?" Jai joked.

" Probably have to clean up a messy kitchen" I replied.

Jai laughed then they began to film the intro.

" Hey guys wer'e The Darenoskiandays" they all said together, they stuff it up every time.

" FUUUCK, we stuffed it up again!" Beau yelled.

" Hey guys, we're Dare Sundays!" they all chanted.

I wanted to get changed out of my date clothes, so I went inside and up to my room. I closed my door and walked over to my wardrobe, I grabbed out a pair of denim shorts and my dirty pig t-shirt. I took of my dress and shoes and put the shirt and shorts on, I grabbed my phone and layed on my bed. I checked my Twitter and Instagram, I was getting bored so I grabbed out my diary and began to write.

Dear Diary,

I just got back from an amazing date! Ben is such a great guy, he really is a gentleman, he is the kind of guy that every girl wants. I told him that I will see him again but I don't want to get too serious with him. I feel like I'm having to make a choice between Ben and James, even though it's not really a thing to decide on, James will never be mine and I don't want a real relationship with Ben, so either way my life is still going to be the same old shit it always is. I don't want to get into a serious relationship with Ben because I have never been in one and I'm going back to Australia and he is going to be still here in LA , I don't want a relationship like that....

I like Ben, it's just I don't know what kind of feelings I have for him yet, am I a bad person? I don't want to be leading him on..

STUPID EMOTIONS! I wish I just knew what I wanted, life is so complicated, it never makes sense.

-

I finished writing and put my diary away, I got up off my bed and walked over to the window, I looked down and saw the boys laughing together, I looked at James, his gorgeous smile and cute laugh...

" I wish I knew what I wanted" those words kept repeating in my head, I stared at the boys and watched them finish their challenge. James looked up and saw me standing in the window staring at him, I stepped back from the window, feeling slightly embarrassed.

I sat in my room, lying on my bed in the dark, in silence. My heart ached but I didn't know why. What am I feeling? what do I really want? Can I even trust myself to make the right decision, is this even a decision for me to make? should it even be a decision at all?

Do I continue to date Ben and let go of this non existent thing with James or do I break it off with Ben and spend the rest of my life hopelessly in love with someone who will never love me back?

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a/n

Updating because this story has just hit over 2k reads and I'm so excited, I honestly never saw this story getting very far, but I kept going and continued writing, now look where I am! I'm so grateful for all readers and I can't thank you enough!

Love you all xx

- lexie xx