I Wait

Tears rush down my cheeks like a running faucet. I don't want to go! I have been signing this to my mum for the past ten minutes. It's getting harder to breathe; I am gulping air inside of me as if someone has clenched my throat. It's getting harder to see, with eyes full of burning tears. It's getting harder to live, with the burden of being perfect; burden of being normal.

My mums' caressing hand brushes against my cheeks. I feel the faucet getting closed; slowly. I feel my face thump against her warm and gentle chest. It feels like hugging a hot pack on a cold and snowy day. I gulp my tears down the lump of my throat.

"It is going to be all right", she says with the gentlest smile on her face.

"I am going to make tomato soup for supper!" she continues. Her eyes become softer and bigger as if she just found a set of free cookware. My face reflexes into a genuine smile.

I agree to go to school for 'one last time'. I shiver as I step out the door; gulp as I look down the empty street. The cold wind slams against my face and I sense their presence. They are usually running around like wild boars but I believe they are still here, hiding.

I believe they are still here hiding behind the bushes and peeking; observing their prey like mountain lions. I jerk forward and wave my mom good-bye. I wait. I wait for them to come out from the bushes or from behind the hedges. I wait for them to follow me secretly and keep giggling behind my back until I reach school. I wait for them to call me names from behind the bushes. I wait for their words to hit me like boulders; not rocks. I wait for them to do something that will shatter my life into pieces like a glass window; something that will make me question my pitiful existence, again. I wait silently while walking to school.

However, something that I wait for the most is just a word, sorry. I wait for one sorry that could bloom flowers in the barren land of my soul. I stop and glance back. They are standing behind me. All in one group; together. I think today is the day I can forgive them. I think today is the day my soul lives. I smile.

My face slams to the pavement and I see sudden darkness. The pain is accelerating. It is hurting. I flicker my eyes and see the school in front of me. It cannot be that far. I reach my hand out for help but I realize it is too far away. They grab my hand and jerk me up so I can see the brutal coldness of their faces. Right now, I feel scared. My heart is dropping; dropping very low. I feel my gut making a knot inside of me. My throat is shivering. I feel very scared.

"Are you going to scream? Do you want to?" he smiles sarcastically.

"But he can't Ruth. He just can't" a boy behind laughs.

Tears drop down on the pavement. My eyes fall down. They have done it again. They have shattered me. I want to scream but they are right, I cannot.

"Hey!" he pinches my face, forces it up, and shows me his merciless eyes. They look like needles, ready to pierce through me. "Come on. Let us help you." He continues.

"Say I "another one of them screams from the back.

"Am dumb", Ruth speaks again and everyone starts laughing. His eyes glance at me. "I said speak!"

I open my mouth and stress out everything I have got."a.a...a." my face feels hot as if it is on raging fire.

"So you are dumb. Aren't you?" he then looks back at two of the boys wearing the same ragged pants as him. They come forward. They look scarier than a hungry tiger and they slam my arms to the pavement. It feels as if iron chains have tied me down. My arm scratches against the pavement and I feel blood craving out. I want to scream; but I cannot. I see Ruth's hand clenched into a fist, driving towards my face. I see darkness and feel like light has been sucked out of my life.

I open my eyes and realize I am in a room. I try to get up but my limbs do not respond. I see my mom at a distance talking to a man in the pearl white coat and a briefcase in his hand. I cannot raise my hand. I cannot move my fingers. I can't call her. My mouth begins to open and I splutter out," m..mmm..aaa.m".

My mom shifts and runs towards me.

"Stephen! Dear, did you just... Stephen say that once more" she has this surprised look on her face as if she just witnessed a unicorn existing.

"mmm..u..m" I speak again.

"Doctor. Doctor come here urgently. Stephen can speak. He can speak" she cries. She looks so happy. She looks proud. At least I can thank them for one thing. They thought me how to speak. Even if it meant to get my arms fractured and my jaw dislocating, I am glad that I can see my mum being proud of me. for once I can be thankful to someone.