Not All Wounds Heal

Advice (Finale)

"He did it because of me," you answered softly. "He said that he wanted me to be proud of him."

"Wait, are you guys not okay?"

"There is no 'you guys', Cap. Not anymore, and probably not ever."

"No, (Y/N), you've gotta fix that," Steve said, his voice growing urgent. "If this is coming between you two, then let me talk to him-"

"I think you're probably the last person he wants to talk to about this, Steve."

"Then I'll do it," Bucky offered readily with a shrug, as if it made perfect sense to consider.

"Okay, I take that back," you scoffed, "you're the last person he wants to talk to about this. But thanks, fellas, it's okay. I'm going to talk to him, once I figure out how and what I'm going to say. I have to believe that everything will work out like it's supposed to."

~~~

But it didn't work out at all. You had been back to the compound for nearly a month and the words exchanged between you and Tony could be counted on two hands. Steve and his team had moved back in, and even though moods and attitudes were a bit tense, they were getting better and new boundaries were in place. Steve and Tony had figured out a working relationship, but the friendship had been so fractured that any idea of rebuilding it had yet to be considered. Sam had become an active participant in Rhodey's rehabilitation, and Vision was getting back to his usual self now that Wanda was back in the building with him. You couldn't help but feel the pangs of jealousy at watching everyone else, when before everything had happened, you and Tony were better friends than any of them.

On this particular night, common as any other when Natasha wore you down with a workout that you knew was meant to kill you, you trudged your tired body to the door of your room and pushed it open with a weary hand, feeling like there was nothing in the world that could keep you from your bed. The desire to sleep was so unrelenting, in fact, that you approached your bed, fully clothed, and dropped face-first onto the fluffy blankets and fell into an immediate sleep. For the first time since you had been home, the quickest flash of Tony's face crossed your mind just before you drifted off, and it made your heart ache more than your beaten body was.

~~~

"Mr. Stark," FRIDAY called out to him, her voice uncharacteristically urgent. "Boss, wake up!"

"Whaaaat, FRIDAY?" he grumbled, rolling over in his bed and burying his head under his pillow. "Someone had better be on fire."

"It's (Y/N). She's in some sort of distress and won't wake to my voice."

Tony was immediately and fully awake, throwing his blankets aside and with not a second of hesitation getting between him and his path to you, throwing his door open to break into a sprint down the stairwell and along the hallway to your room. In bare feet and barely tied pajama pants, he didn't let his focus shift from his goal for a second, and when he reached your door, FRIDAY had already opened it in anticipation of his arrival, shutting it quickly once he was inside.

The sight stopped him from moving forward, not because it scared him, but because it was like looking in a mirror, and he recognized it all too well. It set off a similar reaction in him, his heart beginning to race and his breathing growing ragged. The room began to spin a little, and he felt off balance as his panic grew, but he still had enough of his mind to fight back; he needed to keep control or he would fail you once again, and he would be dammed it that would happen here. Not now.

"(Y/N), hey, you're okay," he whispered gently, hurrying to your bed, carefully lying next to you and reaching out to grab the arms that were swinging back at him in defense, trying to keep from allowing your legs to kick him. You were in a deep sleep, still unaware that he was there, but he would wait until you were. Once he had you restrained enough to feel safe, he held you against him no matter how much you tried to fight; he would keep talking to you about anything, even the banality of his day, just so that you would wake to the sound of his voice and know that you weren't alone. After an eternity, when your body finally stilled and your breathing slowed, he watched you until your eyes opened and the recognition followed closely behind.

"Why are you here, Tony?" you whispered, looking at him through the haze of your drying tears after the panic was gone. As your eyes met, he began to release his hold, but you quickly put a hand over his to keep in contact as if you were relying on it to ground yourself to reality. He didn't put up any fight, rather finding himself relieved that you were holding onto him so tightly.

"Because I knew that this was coming, sooner or later."

"But...I didn't even know."

"Please, don't take this the way it sounds," he began softly, "but I've been keeping an eye on you since you've been home. When you could barely find the strength to get to your room, I had a feeling that something was coming, so I had FRIDAY ready to call for me. It's a weird thing, but when I'm really exhausted, that's when my panic attacks are the worst. Like my brain doesn't have the energy to fight back anymore."

"That sounds about right..."

Tony nodded silently and relaxed himself next to you, allowing you to turn yourself to find a more comfortable position, but he didn't release you at all. His arms were around your waist, and his hands held yours as you pressed your back to his chest; he breathed in your scent when your hair brushed against him, and he felt immediately at home there. It was surprisingly upsetting to him, however, and it left him feeling more confused than anything else. "(Y/N), I'm so sorry about how I've been acting lately. I haven't meant to avoid you. It's just that...I don't know what you want me to do."

"I want you to stay here."

"Right, yeah, of course," he agreed readily, "I'll be here until you fall asleep."

"No, Tony, I want you to stay with me," you clarified. "I don't want...I can't lose you. Being apart this long has been the worst few months and I don't know if I can stand to be here another minute with things the way they are. I lied before, because I thought it was the best decision to make, to keep you from being hurt, but all it did was hurt you more and I hate myself for doing that to you. I do love you, and I'm sorry that I said that I didn't. I want you to stay, but only if that's what you want."

"Of course that's what I want, that hasn't changed. But you had a point, (Y/N). The age thing..."

"Is no one's concern but ours," you finished for him. "At least that's what Steve said. If anyone knows about age gaps, it's him, I suppose."

"You're taking relationship advice from Cap? Really?"

"I'm taking age advice from Cap. Huge difference. I refuse to take love advice from a man who kissed his dead girlfriend's niece."

"Hey, come on, they're almost sort of...practically the same age, and they're both available..." he tried, rolling more ideas through his head to help his rationalization, "and it's not like Peg's around anymore to say no..."

"Wow, Tony, am I hearing you right? Are you actually defending Steve?"

"Sweetheart, if he's the reason that I can be here next to you after everything that's happened, then hell yeah, I am."