Desperately In Love°[KathNiel] ✓COMPLETE

Desperation 27

G's Point of View:

Wala akong naintindihan sa lahat ng klaseng pinasukan ko. Paano ba naman kasi, binabagabag ang puso't isipan ko ng mga mukha nilang dalawa. They were together this morning, nagkabalikan na kaya sila?

Tanga ka G, naghiwalay ba sila? 

Habang nililigpit ko ang gamit ko, biglang may pumasok sa classroom. Napahinto naman kaagad ako sa ginagawa ko matapos mapagtanto kung sino.

"Besstie."

Napapikit ako bago siya hinarap. Palagi ko siyang iniiwasan mula nang malaman ko ang totoo. She was so desperate to talk to me. Akalain niyo 'yon, ginamit niya ang pangalan ng daddy niya para magkaharap kami. Nagulat ako minsan nang makita ko ang pangalan ko sa board para magreport sa principal's office. Pero dahil matalino ako, hindi ako sumipot. Alam ko naman, siya lang ang may kagagawan ng lahat. Pero ngayon, wala na talaga akong kawala. Alangan namang takbuhan ko siya? Lampa pa naman ako. Kaya hindi nalang ako tatakbo.

"Khei!" kunwari ay magiliw na bati ko sa kanya. "Hi!"

Walang ano-ano'y lumapit siya sa'kin at niyakap ako ng napakahigpit. Wala na. Hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang sarili ko, napahagulhol narin ako.

"G!" she cried out.

"Kheeeeiiii..."

Nagyakapan lang kami't nag-iyakan. The room was filled with nothing but our sobs.

"Khei. I'm sorry. I didn't know," bulong ko habang yakap parin siya.

"Wala kang kasalanan, G. Wala. It's all me."

"No... Ang laki ng kasalanan ko, sa'yo. Sana sinabi mo nalang sa'kin—"

"Ayaw kong masaktan ka."

With that, I smiled bitterly. Mas nasaktan ako ngayon dahil hindi niya sinabi. Doble o baka triple pa nga.

"Palagi naman kasing may dapat masaktan, Khei. Kung sinabi mo lang sa'kin, ako lang sana ang masasaktan. Hindi kayo nadadamay'ng dalawa."

"N—no."

"Okay na, bestie. 'Wag na nating pag usapan ang tungkol do'n. Tapos na eh. Huli na," I said to her.

Because of that conversation I had with my bestfriend, I decided to stop my desperation. I decided to stop myself from liking and wanting him continuously.

"G? Hey. Hindi na yata kita nakikita sa org meetings," salubong sa'kin ni Kenny. Napakagat ako ng labi.

"Um, ano kasi... Ah. Umalis na ako. Lumipat ako ng org."

"What? Why did you do that?"

"It's a long story." I can feel how awkward my smile was. "Um... Ikaw lang ba mag isa rito?"

"Yes. Pero mamaya, darating na ang mga 'yon. Ang totoo kasi, paalis na rin ako," tugon niya. "Iiwan na muna kita rito. Hintayin mo nalang sila kasi may kailangan pa akong tapusin. Ang sungit pa naman ni Pres these days."

Ah? Pero masungit naman talaga kasi 'yon. Hindi na ako nakasagot dahil tuluyan na siyang nagpaalam. Pumasok ako sa office. Dahan-dahang tinanggal ko ang singsing sa daliri ko. I have never felt this right all my life. Ito na yata ang pinakatamang nagawa ko sa buhay.

"Brown-eyes."

Para akong naestatwa nang marinig ang boses na 'yon. Shemaaaaay! G, kalma. Humarap ka lang at saka magpaalam ka. I slowly turned around to face him.

"I—I... I have to go," I muttered, averting my gaze.

But the cliche him wouldn't just let me go that easy. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko't hinila papalapit sa kanya.

"RC—"

"Don't you dare. Don't you ever dare walk out of my life, brown eyes," mahinang sambit niyang nakatitig pa sa'kin.

Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko sa kaba dahil sa sinabi niya. Pero mas nanaig sa'kin ang katinuan ng pag-iisip ko.

"Bitiwan mo 'ko."

"No. That will never happen. Never, G."

"Ano ba'ng pinagsasabi mo!? You can't say that to me! I'm just nobody in your lives and I wanted it to remain that way! If I have known everything sooner, RC, hindi kita mamahalin," madamdaming pagtatapat ko.

"Nagsisisi kang minahal mo 'ko?" malungkot na sambit niya.

"Just let me go. Cynth. Please..."

As I pleaded, he let go of my arm and I thought that was just it. But suddenly, he grabbed me by the waist and claimed my lips. I was not anticipating this to happen so I have not taken precautionary measures about my vulnerability. I couldn't even push him like it was the hardest thing to do in that moment. I just let my tears streaming off my eyes. Kumikirot ang puso ko. Dahil ngayon, sa ginawa niya, nalaman kong mahal na mahal ko siya at hindi ko siya kayang bitawan. Ayokong mawala siya sa buhay ko.

Ayoko.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit when he stopped kissing me. I can't help but just cry at how stupid I still get.

"Brown eyes, mahal kita," bulong niya sa'kin. "Mahal na mahal kita."

His statement opened my eyes to the reality, reminding me of why I was here and that's to end everything. Hindi pwedeng marupok, G. Bawal. I can't hurt my bestfriend again. Buong buhay ko, siya nalang lagi ang nagsasakripisyo. This is my turn. I have to stop this insanity.

"Hindi mo 'ko, mahal," saad ko habang inilayo ko ang sarili sa kanya. "You were just confused. Nauuhaw ka lang sa pagmamahal ni Sophia kaya nasasabi mo 'yan. You wanted to hear her say the things I say to you. You wanted to hear me telling you what I feel because it's what you wanted Sophia to do. 'Yong totoo, hindi ako ang gusto mo. It's still my bestfriend. Cynth, it's not me."

"No. G. I know, I was confused. I was... but now, I'm sure about everything. Brown-eyes, I love you."

It was the best thing I wanted to hear from him. But now that he's saying it... it felt different. I felt sadness, guilt and pain.

"Balikan mo ang bestfriend ko. Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa haba ng taon na magkasama kayo?" tanong ko sa kanya habang pinunasan ko ang pisngi ko.

"Those years are but gone... Sophia ended it," malungkot na sagot niya.

It pricked my heart seeing the sadness in his eyes. He still loves her just like I said.

"Hey, brown-eyes, it's not what you're thinking. Hindi kita ginagawang panakip-butas. Si Sophia na mismo ang nagsabi.  She said herself how much I love you and she wanted us to be happy. She wanted me to be happy. You make me happy, G."

Gusto ko siyang paniwalaan. Gustong-gusto. I want to tell him that I still love him so much. I want him to stay in my life. Pero hindi ko magawa.

"I'm sorry, Cynth. I can't listen to any of what you're about to say. Everything's just..." I blurted angrily at the thought. "Everything's still so fresh about you and my bestfriend! Can you at least give consideration to what she's going to feel? This—This is all so crazy!" I freaked out. "Please, tama na ang pagiging gago. Hindi bagay sa'yo."

"Look... It's not that I want us to happen now. Among us, Sophia deserves most the space to move on. Hindi ako nagmamadali. Ang tanging gusto ko lang, malaman mo ang totoong nararamdaman ko. I just wanted you to believe me because my feelings towards you is real, G. And I... I wanted you to stay."

Lumapit siya sa mesa niya't kinuha roon ang singsing na ipinatong ko roon.

"Please wear it back... let me know you still love me. Please stay in my life, love."

Inilagay niya sa palad ko ang singsing. I then smiled weakly at him.

"I'm so sorry, Cynth. I can't. I'm engaged to someone else already. Maybe, we should just all move on," I whispered, trying very hard not to cry and I succeeded.

Before leaving, I gave him back the ring and what pained me most after everything is seeing him cry when I turned to leave.

I'm sorry. Pero ito 'yong tama. Gusto kong gumawa ng tama sa buhay ko. And for now, leaving him is the only right thing I need to do.

Paalam, RC.