My Mind's a Battlefield

Against the Tide

I was the mole. My mind's not mine, but Gerathon's. Of course, she gives me 10 minutes each day on the boat to wallow in guilt, but I have to be strong.

But I-

Killed my father, that was me.

Endangered the Four-Fallen, yup, ME.

Destroyed nearly the whole of Erdas. Meilin did it.

Commanded Jhi to do things from the beginning, me.

Imagine this, I dare you.

You have been building this huge castle of determination and justice, protected it from invasions, used your own muscle to build it. When the death of your father hit it, you stand still, taller than before. You survived death of another and rebuilt the damaged walls . Now that firm ground I held crumbled at my lack of control, let it be seized by another player.  Now I just stand here, among the wreckage, standing still,while my world fell to despair.

I spent my entire life training to withstand the toughest things. Fell down, but got back up before anyone noticed that you got down. My glorious castle wobbled at the canon of my father's death. But it did not go down, it still stood.

Now, it is nothing but a structure of the past, like all monuments, the castle is no longer but dust that stings my eyes. I should give up, but duty calls and I must serve.

Serve who?

Before my bird of trust glows with the standing brightness of faith, now it is known as the trickster for millions of deaths. Like a mountain becoming a rock. So high before, so low now. Meilin, just Meilin, why should I use my father's last name when it was I who brutally murdered him.

But wait-there is light at the darkest times, and my light is Jhi, the forgiving panda who forgives me after how I forced her to do everything. Her forgiveness revived my bird of trust.

Maybe I can fight, but I won't go down without trying.