If Only...

Part Two

“Tomorrow…” he soughed, “…night.”

Why so sudden? Why is he telling this to me only now? My tears began building up again.

“You know I could refuse the offe--” I cut him off, “No! Don’t even think about declining their offer. It’s a once in a life time opportunity, don’t let me get in the way.” I unintentionally yelled at him because of this strong burst of emotions.

“You should go. I know you can make it. You will be very famous one day. I can’t wait to see you on stage. Besides we could still communicate through internet.” I continued, my voice sounding very meek.

“Iroiro to arigato gozaimasu, Yunho. (Yunho, thank you for everything)” I said in Japanese.

“Jeonhee.” was all he could state.

“I have to go Yunho. Congratulations. See you--” I could no longer finish my sentence and fled from him.

I can’t let him see me cry, it would definitely stop him from leaving. I don’t want that. I want him to be happy right? I should support him. I will push myself to live every day without thinking of him all the time. I’ll find hobbies that will take my mind off him. It’s not the end of the world Park Jeonhee.

My tears fell continuously as I exited the big park. I slipped my way through the large crowds on the sidewalk.

I guess I grew too attached to Yunho, that’s why I am so depressed to hear him leave… My shattered heart should put up with all this pain and move on someday; forget that I ever loved him in the first place and just constantly remind myself that he is my best friend. My dear best friend…

Good luck Jung Yunho. I know you will be successful. I just know it.

~*~*~*~*~

I lack sleep…

I wasn’t able to rest the whole night. I just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. My mind was blank, my heart, emotionally hurt.

I received a long text message from Yunho when I got home last night. It read:

Jeonhee, you are my best friend, don’t forget that. I am sorry if I have to leave all of a sudden. I am also sorry for not telling you earlier. I had a hard time pushing myself to inform you. I remember saying to you how much I wanted to become a singer; I was so enthusiastic about it. Now that it is about to come true… I hope you support me all the way. Well, I know you would. I can always count on you. You never let me down.

I will miss you too, Park Jeonhee.

I will miss that childish friend of mine. I will miss messing up her hair every time I see her. I will miss bringing back the gifts she gives me and tell her I don’t need such things, and that a simple greeting would do. I will miss racing with her on our way to dance practice. I will miss everything I do with her.

I promise to do my best and debut in Korea as soon as I could. I wish to see you when I become famous… Good-bye for now.

I’ll be leaving at 8p.m. tomorrow night. Narita airport terminal two. :)

-Jung Yunho

That message made me cry for hours until I had no more tears to shed. It added to my overflowing depression.

I want him to fulfill his dreams… but I don’t want him to leave me. I am imposing myself to let him go, but half of me says no. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to really feel. I am so puzzled.

I was rummaging through my things when I saw an old photo album. I flipped it open and saw me and Yunho together side by side with big smiles on our faces. It was our elementary pictures. I glanced at the images with a beam pasted on my face. Those were the days… As I continued, I came across more photo albums and more pictures of me hanging out with him. I began tearing up again.