I'm "FINE"

F-I-N-E

F-ucked up

I-nsecure

N-eurotic

E-mpty

"Hey, you okay?" My friend Mallory asked.

"Yea, yea I'm ok." I reply.

Lies. I'm not okay, and I almost never am. Every day there's so many people that ask me if I'm ok. I always reply with "Yup, I'm fine." Why doesn't anyone ever catch the truth behind me saying I'm fine? Can't they see the pain in my eyes? I guess not. Or maybe they do know that I'm not okay, they just don't give a fuck. Which is why I stopped giving fucks a long time ago. I realized that I don't need to care anymore. Why should I? No one else does. Just like no one else likes me, why should I like myself?

I'm Gabriella, the quiet, depressed, and suicidal girl you see sitting in the corner of every classroom. That's right, the one that no one ever talks to or acknowledges. Let's just say...I'm invisible. The only time someone acknowledges me is when they have some mean shit to say to me. Or when my hair is a new color.  I've always been that girl. The depressed one with a new hair color every month. That is what I'm known for in my school.

Now...you're probably wondering why I'm so depressed and quiet and suicidal...Well...you probably weren't, but I'm going to tell you anyway:) 

I've always had a pretty rough life, it all really started to dawn on me when I was around 7. And that was the time my dad left me. It was hard to let him go. But I had to, it wasn't my choice. 

My dad was the only person in my family that ever loved me. I miss his love, I never get loved anymore. He hated my sister and my mother. He only loved me. And that's what I loved so much about him. Not to mention I'm exactly like him. We both had the same sense of humor and taste in music and TV shows. I have nothing in common with my sister or my mom.  

My dad and I were so close; I miss him so fucking much. I'd rather be with him right now, maybe I wouldn't be as depressed.

When he left, it was so hard for me. Imagine having to leave someone that you have known all your life, and then, you just have to let them go. And most other kids with divorced parents still get to see both of them...I don't. Ever. And that hurts.

Now you're probably thinking, "Is that it?" No, I have so many other reasons to feel the way I do.

When we moved away from our old house to get away from my dad, I also went to a new school. D-G-F. It's the worst school you could ever go to. Let me tell you why. THE PEOPLE THERE FUCKING SUCK. 

I moved to D-G-F In the 5th grade. It was decent...I guess. That year I made a lot of new friends...And I guess you could have even called me "popular" when I was in 5th grade.

Well...In my fifth grade class, there was a girl. She e-mailed me on the school email. I would go on the e-mail every day after school on my laptop. And I get an e-mail from one of the students in the class, "Kill yourself, bitch."

Knowing me and the life I had been living, I said, "You know what, maybe I will."

I went upstairs, opened up the silverware drawer, pulled out the biggest, sharpest knife I could find, and put it up against my throat. I could feel it digging into my skin, deeper, and deeper. I hear the garage door open. My mom came home. The knife...it had blood on it. My neck...blood running down onto my new purple Under Armour shirt. What am I going to do? I have this big knife with blood on it in my hand. A line of blood going across my neck, and she's walking upstairs. 

"How was your day, sweetie?" She yells up the stairs.

"Don't come upstairs!" I yell in a panic back