I liked someone in my class, I'm going to call him Carlson. Carlson was a new student at my school. I noticed him from the first day. Nothing much until two of my friends, which I'm going to call Naomi and Ursula. They took a picture of me and Carlson and posted it online. Soon it became a thing. I started liking him more and more. To the point that my friends called me 'obsessed' with him. I printed pictures of him, even stickers. Until I had to do a dare. Everything changed. I had to post picture of him on my Instagram. They wrote sexual stuffs on the post. Soon I realized he blocked me. One of my biggest fear. I decided to give up on him. For how I was obsessed with him, two days isn't long enough to forget about him. Especially when I see him everyday. But sooner or later a will.
Few days later, my friend texted me, Alina. She told me she likes Carlson, and thinks he likes her. Which I honestly have to agree, I think so too. They're really close I guess and give each other lots of contact. I know I'm selfish and a wimp but I'm shocked, surprised, I don't know what to think, my body's full of mixed emotions. I couldn't tell if I was happy or sad. I just stared at the ceiling, think is this actually real? So I called Naomi for advice, telling her the news. She was shocked, surprised and full of mixed emotions like me. I looked back and thought they deserve each other what am I to stop them from dating. Aline cared about me and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I honestly appreciate it. I want her to be happy. She told me she felt guilty. I don't want to lose a friend over a boy, is not worth it. I could find someone better. I was fine with it and I still am. I just feel sad, though I'm trying to get over him. I will support them if they start dating. I'm over him. Finally. I feel relief. Happy and not always have to think about him anymore. And I hope they will be a good couple together.
I don't know what to think. I feel like, not myself. I usually talk WAY too much, and today I'm quiet, way more quieter than usual. It feels like my life has changed, upside down. I just feel sad(?) I still have feelings for him. Not like it used to be. I notice him, I still like him, a lot. I feel lost. Thinking about him makes me feel sad. I see him every school day which makes me not to like him hard. At least it's hard for me. Why did I say I don't like him anymore? What was I thinking. I'm one of those type of person that says that they doing like them anymore but few days later liking them back. I don't want to tell Alina that I like him now since I was convincing her it's okay. But after I saw him at school today. I realized that I still like him. I stayed awake till 12 pm waiting for his birthday.
I wanted to text him happy birthday at 12 but I would seem weird so I woke up extra early to text him, 5:46 am in the morning.
I'm such a bitch. That's all I need to say. IM A BITCH. I don't want to ruin my friendship over a boy. Sometimes I blame Alina for giving me that dare, which i had no choice but to do it. And now her liking him? That's just messed up to me. But what made me actually give up on him or at least want to is because she told me "I'm 100% sure Carlson has a crush on me and I think THINK I like him back." When I saw that text I felt sad, really sad. I cried but not for long since I called Naomi and Ursula. They were telling me it would be okay. I thought it would, I thought it would finally be over. But unfortunately I'm wrong, I'm not over him yet. I still like him, though I know he does not like me. In fact I think he hates me. I see him and Alina having lots of contact. To be honest even I think myself that he likes her. That was my biggest fear, him liking Alina. As you can tell from reading this, I'm selfish and full of jealousy. I act like a bitch in front of Carlson, or at least that's what I feel like when I see him, myself as a bitch. Is that why Alina was fine and went into Carlson's house with me? I honestly don't know what to do, say and think.
