bang, bang [ziam]

in sickness and in health

"you're my first, zayn, you're the only one who i want it be." he confesses and i lose it, our mouths crashing together in a searing kiss. his hands run through my hair as i lick into his mouth, kissing him with everything i've got. it's a kiss where i had something to prove how much i needed him in my life. all of the shit we've gone through, it's flashing past my eyes and all i want is to be with him forever in this moment. our tongues dance and he mewls, nails trailing down my spine.

"god, i love you, sweetheart." i murmur against his mouth and he's frustrated with how hard he is as he grinds up onto me.

"just fuck me, zayn -- please." he whispers and i realize that i had gotten off track.

i decide that i want to take him just like this. with our stomachs brushing past and our eyes gazing at each other. my hand trails down his smooth thigh, positioning his leg on my shoulder. his lips part and his inexperience is beautiful as his ankle hangs past my neck. i lean back and let my hands worship his gorgeous body as his back arches. the untouched milky-ness of his skin and the splatter of freckles on his toned stomach, like paint. his length rests against his navel and liam's eyebrows are furrowed in an explicit expression, looking like he might just die if he doesn't get to come tonight.

i decide not to torture him as i position my manhood against his hole. liam is just a trembling mess of thighs as he gawks at my body, contorted and full of tense muscle. slowly i push inside of him and he seems to catch his breath on nothing, looking like he might just choke. painfully steady, i slide further into him and i seem to brush past an extra sensitive spot already because his head knocks back into the cushions behind him, clenching around me so that my mind is fucking spinning. we're both shaking and i feel like two kids losing their virginity together after prom in some cheap hotel hoping that our parents don't find out.

"ohgodzayn." he breathes, overwhelmed with his senses. usually it sucks the first time but he's losing his mind and i'm guessing with the way he throbs against his navel that's it's in a good way.

finally i bottom out inside of him and it's like an itch that's finally been scratched. liam is off in space, floating past comets and sparkling planets with hooded eyes and a mouth gaping open, and i'd say i am too. we're in the dark navigating our senses with our touches, both unbelievably inexperienced. of course, i'd be liam's first and it had to be perfect for him, but liam is my first, as well. liam is the first person i had ever fallen in love with.

there's embarrassing noises falling past my lips, but i really can't control it, because he feels like no other and i'm fucking enthralled. just wanting to thrust into him over and over again until the sun rises. but I feel the need to be careful with him considering how vulnerable he is now. i feel his toes curl by my neck and the delirious way his eyebrows furrow together makes it pretty clear how gone he is. i mean, i wouldn't say i have a magic dick, (but i do, i'm not gonna lie.)

i had never seen liam this euphoric before and he completely distracts me from my main cause. i thought the sight of liam getting baked on weed or getting his first blow-job was the most raw and beautiful he had ever looked. but right now, nothing would compete with it, he's hit his absolute pleasure spot and doesn't quite know what to do with himself.

"are you okay, baby?" i shakily whisper and he nods immediately and i thank whatever is out there that i didn't send him to have cardiac arrest while losing his virginity. every so slightly his hole flutters around me and it causes a waterfall of swear words to seep from my mouth.

the thing about our sex was that it was uncannily realistic, it was the kind of making of love that couples only did. my whole life, i condemned myself to never be that person who falls for someone and has boring sex, but there is nothing ordinary about this. things i never considered before are lying inside my chest like sludge, the way our fingers grip at each other's skin or the sweet kisses we peck on each other's lips in between something so obscene. the simplicity of it this was more intense than any drug i had ever taken or some screw i had forgotten.