Here

prologue

The night was cold as December, chilling me to the bones. Or maybe it was just what I did already haunting me.

I couldn't stop seeing his face, lurking in the shadow, waiting. He had what he deserved, but it pained me that it came from my hands. Now there was no going back. My hands were dirty for life.

"It's over." a pair of arms encircled me protectively. My body was shaking violently from the shock.

Slowly, he took the gun of my hand.

"It's okay. You're safe now." I could feel him tremble lightly too. He backed away so he could examine my face. I couldn't bare look at him though. "Please, look at me."

When I didn't, he positioned his index finger under my chin and forced it up, in a gentle move.

After what happened I was almost a hundred percent sure he would feel disgusted by me, but as I turn up my gaze to his, what I see is nothing like that. What I see is... admiration, love and pride.

How could he look at me like that after what I just did?

"Are you okay?" His voice was so worried I felt sick. I didn't deserve his kindness. I was a monster.

His thumb started to wipe tears I didn't even noticed started falling. My legs were as limp as water, giving in, pulling me to the ground. Only him prevented me from collapsing.

"No." I could only wisper. I tried to back away from him, lamely failing by almost having an encounter with the concrete if it wasn't for the strong and stubborn arms around me. Great. His eyes inspected me, in a concerned frown.

"Are you hurt?" his expression darkned. "Did he hurt you?"

I shock my head, negatively. I tried pushing him again, but it was like pushing a wall.

"You can push me as much as you like, I'm not releasing you."

"Please..." My tone was so tiny, I had issues hearing myself. "I don't-"

"Don't even bother saying you don't deserve."

"But I don't." My head fell low again, away from his peer. "I just... don't. I'm a fucking monster."

His body irradiated sadness as he said, "Soph, you almost died. You did what you had to do to survive."

I raised my eyes to his and yawped, "Julian, I just... I just killed a man!"