How To Save A Life

Can I Awake

The ringing in my ears is the first thing I hear. Non stop ringing, which then turns into beeping and mumbles. My eyes are glue shut. All my energy has been sucked out of me. I can barely lift a finger. The black void of nothing has greeted me again. It almost feels like second nature. Not beginning able to do anything, except listen. This doesn't change the fact that I'm stuck, wallowing away deep in my deafening thoughts.

Second thing, how did I get here? How did I go from everything, to nothing? And now... I'm more than just nothing. I'm empty. I should be happy that I'm a hero. I should be happy that I saved my brother's life. But I'm not. I'm devastated. I had a life to live. Plans, big plans. But its all been replaced by that annoying beeping.

Then there's the sicken screams for wanting to seek revenge. Wanting the man who shot me dead. Wanting payback for putting me in this never ending cycle. The beeping, the thoughts, the pain and then sleep. I don't even know how to count the days going by. But is this really what death is like? Is it the same for everyone or is it different?

I know, I'm over thinking. But what else am I supposed to do? I'm stuck and its getting frustrating.

"Katie... If you can here me, please just wiggle a finger. Move for me." A voice says. It says it more than once. Every day - or what I could count as a day - like clock work. And I try, I really do. The voice seems more pleading than ever.

I try with all my might to let my mind find a finger and force it to move. "Katie please." And that's when it happens. I feel something in me move. My eyes decide its time to open to. Just to see the voice. I want to know who is begging me.

Screams for the nurse begins. The voice looks at me with his green tired eyes and the biggest smile I have ever seen. He is screaming for the nurse. His brown mop of hair falling in his pale face. Relief floods over him and washes over me.

He looks older than I remember him to be. This boy is now a man. This man is my brother. The same goofy guy that I saved is staring down at me. With so much pride, so much love gleaming in his eyes.

A woman was stood next to him holding his shoulder, squeezing it softly. A pretty ring resting on her ring finger. Her blue eyes bringing fresh tears to fall over her freckles and down her chin. She is petite with blonde curls tied into a mess pony tail. Her outfit holding no wrinkles. She looked at my brother and then looked back at me. Giving me a small smile.

As the nurses rushed in, they were both pushed out of a door. I then realise I'm choking on a long tube that's helping me to breath and the nurses begin to pull it out of me, check all my vitals and explaining my situation.

I had been under for five years. They did not expect me to make it and were just about to pull the plug on me. I was shot in the back. The man that shot me is now in jail, put on a fair trail for both shooting me and killing my brother's best friend. They ran some tests to check if everything was okay and said they would tell me the results when they got them back. They also asked me questions and showed me pictures to see if I could remember who I am.

The thing is, I remember who I am. But I don't know who I am now. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what will happen. I don't know what to do.

Before I know it, tears were filling my eyes. I thought I was dead. I thought I had been killed. But some how I was stuck in my body for five years. I'm now 21. I've missed out on five years. Five years to go to college and university. Five years to find my feet in this world. And yet I was stuck in this bed for five years doing nothing but hearing that God awful beeping. Hearing my brother cry at me.

"I need my brother." I croak to the nurse, my voice box not being used to making a sound.

She reached for a glass of water that was positioned on a table next to my bed. Lifting my head and bring the water to my lips. "I'll fetch him for you. He's been waiting outside for you pacing back a forth. You know he is very lucky to have you back. Saving him was an awfully brave thing." She put the water back on the table and opened the door. "Finn, she's ready to see you. Just remember not to many questions and make sure if she does talk to give her water for her voice."

She then left the room and was replaced by the person my world revolves around. Finn, the only family I had left, and he was still here. Never leaving my side.

He looked a lot better from when I first woke up. Like he finally had a good night's sleep. His clothes were still a bit wrinkly around the edges, but he still looked handsome never the less. He looked as if he cannot stop smiling. His green eyes holding a sparkle to them, before they let the tears slip.

"Katie" he whispers, looking a little stiff as he stands there unsure of what to do. But when I lift up my arms testing the joints, he comes running to my side and raps himself around me. Holding me as if I could break at any given point. "The doctor told us some bad news. He thought it would be best if I told you." He squeezed me a little tighter. " The bullet grazed your spinal cord making you paralyzed from the waist down. Before you panic-"

"But I can feel my legs. This can't be possible." I push my brother off of me and rip off my covers.

"Katie" he says sympathetically.

"No Finn. Look I can walk."

I tried to will my legs to move but nothing is working. I then pick my legs up using my hands to swing them out of the bed and force myself to my feet. But before I stand, I fall to the floor and start to sob. Tears start streaming down my face as my brother just holds me on the floor. His voice keeps talking, trying to get me to listen. But what's the point of listening.

I can't walk...

I can't walk...

The words keep replaying in my head as my brother smooths my hair out of my face.

I can't walk...