This boy

It still hurts

As we moved forward into our relationship, we would always hang out and it was the best, my friends would try and tear me and him apart and now I know why. I wish I could take back time but I can't. Everyday when I look at him, I see him talking to other girls. Of course my jealousy kicks in. It is the worst feeling ever knowing your ex has feelings for some else while your still crushing on them. You are stuck in this mess where you can't escape it.
When people gain feelings for someone it's a bit hard to let go easily unless you don't have real feelings for them.

He used me. He always wanted to kiss or hug me and never really asked how I was. There were times where I would look a bit down and he would ask if I was Okay and my usual response was "I'm fine." Usually when I was upset it would've been over him because he didn't give me enough attention for me to be happy. I would let it go and move on knowing he doesn't really care and let him strive to push me to the limit where I would've just about had enough.

We had an on and off relationship. It wasn't healthy. The first time we split up, he moved on about a few days after. I was so jealous, that it would make me cry and cry over and over. I know what your thinking while reading this.. *im too young to understand what love is.* and yes your right. But I keep having these voices in my head saying that he is the one. My heart wants him but my mind is saying no.
"The heart wants what it wants.. right?"
I kept telling myself that I really don't need him, but I just run back. Here's the thing.. if you were as attached as I were, then you would feel terrible inside like you just want to give up on life. Yes.. a boy made me feel all this pain and I still wanted him.
I still want him.

As time moved along.. the two of them broke up. I didn't know why and still don't 'till this very moment. Over the Christmas holidays they broke up and when they did The girl messaged me saying they were not together anymore. I was so happy and I shouldn't have been.
Two days after Christmas, he asked me out over text. Yes! I know it's bad and I should've denied it but I loved him too much to let go.

He rarely messaged me when we were together all he wanted was some action. At a lot of points I got fed up with his Crap, but I stuck with him. (God! What a stupid idea of me to do.)
I hate myself for giving him too many chances. Although I wasn't the innocent one in this relationship either. I would push him until he showed emotion towards me which is probably why he never gave a shit about me.