A Life Of Love

And I ran. I ran away from Martin, I ran away from the chapel, I ran away from my problems, or at least what I thought were my real problems back then; and I ran with Jake.

We had been neighbors since we were 4 years old, Martin and I. We were the best of friends, we were inseparable. We were always together and we told each other everything, and I mean everything. And, eventually, he became my first crush. Then, my first boyfriend, my first kiss; he was my first everything. We were to be married, in June of 2008; June 29th to be exact. That was exactly 7 years ago today, and it still pains me. It still pains me, as I hang from this tree, breathing his name, just loud enough for Jake to hear, and I hear Jake's sobs to my breathes of "Martin, Martin."

After we ran, 7 long years ago, Jake and I were married, in the chapel on the other side of our little town in Maine, my home town, where Martin and I grew up together.

Jake was my High School Sweetheart, we were together for 4 years. We were together our last 2 years of highschool and our first 2 years of college. We went to the same college *** to stay together. But, a position opened up at his Uncle's shipping company, an international position. And, for a quick buck, he took it. *** All he wanted was money. And, apparently, exotic women. After a year of waiting and staying faithful for him, I decided that I would surprise him with a visit. I knew what country he was in at the time because we had written a letter to each other every week, and I flew right on over. I walked into his hotel room, not to find just him, but, to also find a half naked brazilian woman treating him quite nicely. I was utterly stunned. I turned around, ignoring his pleas for forgiveness, and flew back home. I realized then, that he never really cared for me. The decision of either being with me and just enough income to get by in a small, quiet town, or being with women from all over the world, constantly traveling, with pockets full of cash; it was easy for him. He left and never came back, not until the day of my wedding.

*** I sought comfort in an old friend; Martin. He helped me through everything, through the pain, through the "getting back out there;" everything. After he was sure that I had recovered from my heartbreak and we were both out of college, 2 years later, he made his move. He sent flowers to my doorstep with a card reading, "To my one and only, with love."*** This went on every day for 6 months, until, one day, the card read, "Fanciest restaurant in town, 8:00 pm. ***"*** I knew that was La Fuancy, if you wore anything less than a tuxedo or a ballgown, you were considered underdressed.

I knew I had to pull out all the stops for my secret admirer; I wore a mermaid styled, turquoise gown, with gold shimmer throughout, and a drop back. It had thick, but lightweight, tank-top like straps***. I also wore 3 inch, sparkly gold high heels and gold jewelry; hoop earrings that were the size of my bracelets, 5 thin bracelets, a ring on my right ring finger, and a choker with a small pendant.

I didn't know that my secret admirer was Martin until I got there. He was there when I arrived and he had the whole restaurant rented out, for the whole night, just for us. He had hired my favorite string quartet to come and play for us and he had ***roses*** everywhere, he knew that roses were my favorite. It was so romantic and sweet. We were together for 6 months after that, until our wedding.

At the wedding, Martin had just said, "I Do", and I was about to say it back, when someone shouted at the top of his lungs. It was Jake. He yelled to the world about how much he loved me and how much he had missed me, about how badly he had screwed up, leaving me and betraying me years ago. I don't quite know why, but I started sprinting. I was afraid that I was going to trip on my dress or twist an ankle in my high heels, but the mutual love between Jake and I drove me all the way down the aisle to him, giving no warning to Martin whatsoever. I jumped into his arms, and he kissed me. *** We ran to his car, and we sped across town to the other chapel, where we were married not even 30 minutes later. The whole way there, he was telling me everything I wanted to hear; he missed me, he was always in love with me, and he always had been, he loved everything about me, he couldn't forget me. I was to in awe of everything that had happened, that I didn't even question why he hadn't come sooner, or why he cheated in the first place, when I had managed to stay faithful and wait for him, or how he even knew that I was supposed to have gotten married that day.

Since that day, Jake and I had a little girl, Marta, and then a little boy, Jake Jr.; now, they're 6 and 3 years old. We liked the vibe of the small, quiet town, so we stayed. I had become an elementary school math teacher, and Jake had become the tech-support guy at our local Verizon Wireless, he helped out with all the school's electronics, too. We go on a trip with our kids every year on our anniversary to celebrate our family and our love. This year we're flying to California. Well, we were flying.

Instead of tanning on a beach with a tequila in my hand, I was hanging in a tree, staring at my kids in a lake and Jake in a large bush. My kids were also face down, I presumed that they were dead. And Jake was face up, staring back at me. He was blinking a lot, so I knew that he was alive. I looked over and saw the pilot, struggling to get free; his attempts were failing, he was also in a tree. He was right side up, I was upside down. The other passengers were scattered throughout the woods as well; some floating in the lake, some bleeding profusely, and some just staring off, into nowhere, with their dead, cold eyes.

"Mom! Jakey's breathing, but he's not moving! Daddy!" I heard Marta scream. I looked over so quickly, that it gave me whiplash. She had just pulled Jake Jr. out of the water and was standing right next to him, pointing at him and crying, and looking up at me. Her head was bleeding and I could see a bone sticking out of her arm, even with all of the distance that was between us. She was so strong. I raised her well; at least I did something right.

"Honey, don't be scared, I'm here, and Daddy's over there, and if Jakey's breathing, then that's very good! Stay there with him and try to wake him up! Carefully!" I screamed, pointing at Jake Sr., smiling the best that I could manage.

She shook him for a few minutes and, suddenly, he jerked, sitting up and breathing heavily. "He's okay! Mommy, he's okay!" Marta sobbed. ******

"Mom, Dad, where are you?" Jake Jr. groaned, as he becomes aware of his surroundings and frantically looks all around. Marta points to us and tells him that everything is okay.

"I love you both, my beautiful babies; don't let anyone ever tell you differently! Stay strong, my little angels, I don't know how long we'll be out here, so just stay calm and keep talking; Everything is going to be alright! I love you both so much!" I told them. I could feel it, I was going to lose consciousness very soon, and I didn't want them to be afraid.

"We love you too Mommy!" They said in unison. *** I looked at Jake Sr., he was staring right at me.

"I love you, Carmen, and I still won't leave you. No matter what." He said, and he seemed scared. I didn't know what he was scared of, but I could see it in his eyes.

"I like you a whole lot, too." I said. The last thing I saw before I passed out, was his face; partially shocked, partially expectant. I'm sure he was only shocked because I didn't say that I loved him back, especially right in front of our kids. I'm also sure that he expected no less than my actual words. We had been getting along fine; no fights, nothing. But, he knew; he knew that I did not love him. And, that at my first wedding, it was spur of the moment. And, that I still loved Martin. He knew that I would never leave him, though, for two reasons. One, because of the kids, and two, because I was faithful. Although, as much as I would love to believe the second reason, I know that I could never say it out loud. The memories of leaving Martin at the altar would haunt me.

I thought back through everything I had lived to see and do, to the people I loved and cherished. I looked back on my favorite moments and my deepest regrets. I thought of Martin. I thought of how I had hurt him, I thought of how I never spoke to him after our almost-wedding. I thought of how cruel I was, to such a sweet man. I began to hate myself for even considering going with Jake. But, Jake knew all of those things, and that put me at peace, once and for all.