The Snake Among Lions

Chapter XVIII-Hospitals Are Bad Habits

Draco woke up in a hospital bed. Again. This was becoming a bad habit. But, as soon as he was awake, he saw three pairs of eyes looking at him, watching him.

"Draco! Oh, thank Merlin you're awake. I don't think I could stand one more minute of waiting for you, worried you wouldn't make it. I've been-"

"Harry," Remus cut in, "relax before you put the poor boy back into a coma." Draco shot him a grateful glance.

"I thought you were dead. I thought it was just me, now. I thought I had no one." Draco looked at his hands fidgeting in his lap.

"Is that why you let yourself get caught unaware when you fought your aunt?" Harry suddenly seemed upset.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw Dolohov cast a spell at you. And then I saw you hit the ground. I thought he killed you." Harry was getting redder in the face as he spoke.

"I didn't see Dolohov. All I knew is that you were dead, and he was dead and that she was bragging about what she did to my parents." Draco didn't want to look into Harry's eyes.

"Draco, you wouldn't be alone. You realize that right? You still have Sirius and me. You have Andromeda. Andromeda's daughter... Well, let's just leave it at the fact that there were a lot of casualties on both sides." Remus looked out the window. Draco remembered helping him bury a few of those victims.

"I did it, didn't I?" A sudden realization hit the blond.

"Did what, love?" Suddenly, Harry sounded concerned, using the name he only said when they were alone, or Draco was extremely upset.

"I'm a murderer. I'm no better than her." Draco's whisper was barely audible. A single tear ran down his face and left one small wet spot on the sheet in his lap.

"Bellatrix is dead, yes." It was Remus who answered, though he already knew. Before anyone could react, Draco was out of bed, running unsteadily down the hallway. Draco could hear feet behind him. There was a mixture of "Mr. Malfoy" from Healers and "Draco" from his friends, but he ignored them all as he ran out the door of St. Mungo's. He grew even more unsteady and fell on all fours, retching in the grass in front of him. He felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him.

"Stop, Harry, I don't deserve-"

"I'm not Harry." Draco heard his cousin's voice. "I know what you're going to say. You don't deserve him. Between the mark on your arm and the blood on your hands, you don't deserve anyone's love. You think you're the first person to have these thoughts? I asked Remus to stay with Harry. Let's calm you down, and then I think we should talk."

Once Draco was calm enough to move somewhere else, Sirius helped him walk to a nearby bench under a tree.

"What were you talking about back there?" Draco wondered what this puppy of a man could have possibly done to understand these feelings.

"Well, I got my best friend, and his wife killed, leaving their only son an orphan. And then my guilt pushed me not to fight back against my charges at first, leaving my godson to live with those pathetic excuses for humans."

"How'd you get the Potters killed? I don't understand. I thought that was Pettigrew?"

"Well, when we learned Voldemort was after James and Lily, Dumbledore suggested we set up a Fidelius charm around their house in Godric's Hollow. They wanted to use me as a secret keeper, but I persuaded them to use Peter. I was an obvious choice. Peter, small, talentless, bumbling thing that he was, I was sure no one would think it was him. I didn't tell anyone else about the switch, especially not Remus. See, we knew there was a spy within the Order, someone close to the Potters, so Remus and I suspected each other. Turned out, Peter had been passing information for a year. I felt so guilty about what happened, I let them arrest me. I figured I deserved Azkaban. Dumbledore let Remus visit me. I explained what had actually happened and when he told me what had happened to Harry, I knew we had to get him. Remus petitioned for my trial. Between our memories and my testimony under Veritaserum, I was able to be cleared. They did eventually find Peter. After I had been cleared, it was hard to get Harry. I'D been in jail for a few years and was still adjusting to life again, and Remus was a registered werewolf. The first night we had him, I saw all his scars. I felt so terrible. The only way I made it through all the guilt was Remus. Besides Harry, we were all each other had left. I don't deserve Harry or Remus, but they don't deserve to lose any more people. That includes you. You are family now."

Draco looked at the teary eyed Sirius. He gave his cousin a hug and stood up, unsteady on his feet.

"Shall we go in to see them then?" Draco still sounded quiet and shaky, but there was a determination there as well. Sirius chuckled and assisted him back into the hospital.

"I'm so sorry I ran out like that Harry. I don't deserve you, but someone wise told me you don't deserve to not have me." Remus and Harry looked shocked. "Harry, one more thing. I love you."