A couple weeks went by after Indy. The only time Chase and I talk is at the track. Every day I wanted to pick up my phone and call to tell him how much I wanted him back, but I always backed out. Honestly, I always looked forward to race weekends because I actually got to talk to him, and it felt normal. But I got some news before Michigan that made me want to stay home and never talk to him again. However, it was my job, and I knew I had to tell him.
I was anxious the entire flight to Michigan. I just didn't know what his reaction would be. Friday morning I decided I'd tell him shortly before practice.
"Hey, are you busy?" I asked him as I walked into his hauler.
"No, practice isn't for another 25 minutes. What's up?"
"I, um. I just need to tell you something."
He looked at me waiting for me to continue. With those eyes I never fell out of love with.
He noticed my hesitation. "Amber, you can tell me anything." He took my hand. I felt tears starting to come. I missed the way my hand fit perfectly in his. But, I knew I had to keep my composure so I could tell him.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "Chase, I'm pregnant."
I opened my eyes to see the surprise in hit eyes, but he never let go of my hand, he just tightened his grip, and so did I.
"So what are we gonna do?" he asked.
"Well, I'm gonna be a mom, and I'm gonna do everything thing in my power to be a good one. You can have a big of a role as you want. I'm not gonna make you be apart of its life, but I'm not gonna tell you you can't be. It's up to you."
I walked out of the hauler and exhaled. I started second guessing my timing. Maybe I should've waited until Tuesday and not before he has to race. Although, I don't think there was ever a "right" time.
*********
Later that night I sat in my motorhome going through pictures from the day with the TV on in the background.
What if he decided that he's not going to be a part of the baby's life? That he realized he was too busy with his racing career than to share custody of his and his ex-girlfriend's child? What if I was left to raised this baby by myself?
The thought of that scared me too much, so I pushed it out of my mind and told myself Chase was too good of a person to just leave me to do this by myself.
As if on que there was a knock on my door.
"Chase, what brings you here?" I asked when I opened the door.
"You and I are having a Friday night movie night. Remember? Like the ones we had in high school?"
"I remember. Why did you decide to do this?"
"You sure ask a lot of questions."
I glared at him and waited for an answer.
He shrugged. "You're the mother of my child. We're gonna be spending a lot of time together and we need to make these conversations just a little less awkward."
"Fair enough."
He popped the movie disc into the player and sat on the couch next to me.
"So how far along are you?" he asked me.
"Little under a month."
"How long have you known?"
"Not even a week."
He looked at me surprised.
"Yeah, I wanted you to know as soon as possible because I just would've put it off. You know how well I procrastinate."
He laughed. "Yeah, it'd be a week before you were due and you'd just be telling me."
"You're not lying."
His smile. I missed it so damn much. I missed seeing it every morning when I woke up. Every time I'd walk into his place, and every time he'd walk into mine.
We continue watching the movie. I looked over at Chase. Every thing about him was perfect. The way he'd laugh at the movie. They way he'd clench his jaw every now and then. There are no words do describe how bad I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder and let his arm wrap around my waist. Or how bad I wanted to kiss his lips passionately and have him kiss me back with just as much passion. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But I couldn't, and that physically hurt me. All we now are two people having a baby together because we had sex when we were drunk. I wanted him back so bad, but I knew I blew it when I didn't take the chances I had before.
