klexos

sixty-eight

i sink into my seat.
my depression feels like heavy cinder blocks
tied to my feet.
my anxiety; a noose restricting my airways.
i can't breathe.
i can't move.

my motivation for everything has left me
like the birds leave my town in the winter.

i do not want to work.
working is so stressful
and exhausting.
especially when i must fight these handcuffs
to even move.
i do not want to clean.
i do not want to have fun.
i do not want to deal with school
or people
or myself.
i do not want to move.

but my anxiety only ties the noose tighter.
and i can't just do nothing.
you have to do your homework.
you have to keep your friendships awake.
you have to deal with school
and people
and yourself.
do you want to be a failure?

my breathing gets heavier
and so do the cinder blocks.
and i am torn again
between caring about nothing
and caring about everything
all at once.