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 "I think I'll call you Captain," Sebastian told me, parked in the middle of his driveway. He unbuckled his seat belt and exited the car, my life held tightly in his hand.

Captain, I thought to myself. That's not a very good name.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

Something wrong?

"Holy fucking shit. Did you just talk?"

I don't know. Did I?

"I swear, I heard you talking to me, like a voice in my head. What the hell is going on?"

Clearly, something very wrong. I stared at him, trying to figure out if he was going insane or if he could really understand what I was thinking.

"Are you serious, Captain? This is so fucking cool!"

You know what's not 'fucking cool'? Having the name Captain.

Sebastian chuckled lowly and unlocked the door to his house. "Sorry, it was a spur of the moment-type thing. I'm Sebastian."

Like the crab from The Little Mermaid! I responded dryly.

I could feel him blush. "Yeah, I guess. I used to get that a lot in school, believe it or not." He chuckled again and put me down on the kitchen counter next to a largish tank with a black rim and built-in filter. "How's this look?"

Small.

He rolled his eyes at me playfully. "It's all I could find, but the minute I see a bigger one, I'll pick it up for you."

Thanks.

"What's the matter, Captain?" He frowned as he filled the tank with what I hoped with the correct temperature tap water.

For starters, my name is Captain.

Sebastian laughed and opened the bag, staring down at me. "All right. Is there a name you'd prefer?"

I flapped my fins slowly, suspending myself in the water for a moment, trying to think.

Well, if you're Sebastian, I may as well be Ariel, right?

I was expecting a laugh from him, or a "No, I'll stick with Captain, that's a terrible idea," because I was, in truth, only joking, if not trying to insult him a little.

"That's actually not a bad idea. Ariel, it is!"

My mouth gaped open.

I was kidding. You know that, right?

"Oh, you were?" He scratched his head and dumped me into the water. A bit warm for my taste, but I didn't feel like commenting. "Well, I like it. It's kind of....clever."

Clever? That's not the word I'd use, but sure. Clever.

He only laughed some more and sprinkled some fish food on the top of the water. It took him long enough. I was starving.

"So, Ariel, tell me about yourself."

What the fuck could you possibly want to know about your pet goldfish that you can't already deduce? I swallowed one of the flakes and a mouthful of water.

"Don't know," Sebastian admitted with a shrug.

I ate another flake and let myself float back down to the bottom of the tank. Well, my favorite color is pink, I like Imagine Dragons, and believe it or not, I've seen three of your movies. Inadvertently, of course.

He cocked a brow. "Really? Which ones?"

The Bronze, The Martian, and the first Captain America movie, I said with the closest thing to a nod that a one-inch goldfish could manage.

"Some of my better ones." The actor laughed lightheartedly. "Did you like them?"

Yeah, I guess. Leah played them constantly, so they got a bit boring after a while.

"Leah from the pet store?"

That's the one.

He nodded thoughtfully, tossing the fish food container between his hands and squeezing it every few seconds, like it was a makeshift stress-reliever.

Is there anything I should know about you?

He put the container down to the right of my tank, enlarging the blue beta fish on the label. It was terrifying.

"Well, what do you want to know about me?"

What did I want to know about the so-called famous actor, Sebastian Stan? That was a question that had even me stumped. Temporarily.

Well, for starters, why did you decide to buy a goldfish?

"For a movie that I'm auditioning for. The main character is obsessed with his fish because that's his only friend."

Wow. That'll be a real box office smash.

"Hopefully. A lot of my other movies weren't. I've been milking the success of the Captain America franchise since 2011."

I didn't quite know what to say to that.

"Anyway," Sebastian continued, awkwardly. He stood up and stretched.

Where are you going? I asked, starting to panic and swim all around the tank.

"I have to get ready for a date this evening. I can't be late."

Really? I stopped.

"Yup. So if you'll excuse me, I have to go and get ready."

Oh, okay. Have fun.

"Thanks." He patted the tank, sending a slight tremor throughout the too-warm water. 

Please don't do that, I called out to him, but I don't think he heard me.

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 22, 2017 ⏰

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