Sweet as a Strawberry

17 ~ Sweet as a Biscuit

I hung up quickly and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My eyebrows furrowed slightly. I should be happy for my dad, because he'd found someone else who made him happy.

But as my fingers touched the heart charm that hung from the chain around my neck, I felt myself sobering up. I guess it wouldn't really hit that my mum was gone until Papa had completely moved on. Which could very well be soon.

"Okay. You're creeping me out."

I jumped, my gaze flickering over to Ben. He was watching me carefully. "Why?" I asked curiously.

Ben licked off the spoon that was covered in the yoghurt I gave him, his eyebrows furrowed like he was thinking. His dark eyes were hooded. "You looked really sad for a moment," he said, nodding at my necklace.

My hands unconsciously reached up again, but I clenched my fist and let it drop. I smiled, but it felt fake on my face, so my expression smoothened. I didn't want to lie to Ben and say that I was okay when I wasn't really, but I didn't want to tell him the truth and seem pathetic.

"Okay, seriously, Lottie, what's wrong?" The odd part was, he sounded like he actually cared. The worried tone of his voice soothed me, and I saw my mum's smile behind my eyes.

"Don't worry about it," I finally said. The smile eased on a little bit better, because the way he was looking at me was doing strange things to my insides. It wasn't even the multiple emotions that made it so intense, it was just a blur of feelings I could only hope existed in him for me.

Ben sighed angrily and chomped into the apple, almost violently. "Who called you?"

Oh my, he was nosy today. "My dad," I said. Did he not hear me say 'Papa' multiple times? But maybe he was one of those uninterested people who didn't care about others' phone conversations.

I definitely wasn't like that. I listened to everything around me, and my ears always picked up some sort of gossip. I didn't mean to pry...I just liked to pay attention.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I was tired of talking about myself, so I said, "Is the yoghurt too sweet?"

Ben glared at me. "No," he said shortly. I frowned and my hands started trembling. I'd been getting longer answers from him lately, and now he was back to only a few words.

"So is fruit sweetness okay for you then?" I prompted, clasping my hands together. Now my leg jiggled, but at least he couldn't see that under the table.

"Lottie," he said firmly. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop that. Whatever it is you're doing."

I looked at him with wide eyes. "It would be really helpful if I knew what I should stop doing," I said nicely.

"I don't know," he said, frustrated. He seemed to be grabbing for words, unable to string together something to say. "Stop being so...thoughtful."

"What am I doing that's so thoughtful?" I asked, confused. Ben looked extremely annoyed, and whether it was with himself or with me, I didn't know.

"You're asking me if my yoghurt is too sweet when you just got off a conversation with your dad looking like your puppy just died!"

He was concerned? I stared at him, and I felt my heart fill up with something unfamiliar from the sight of the awkwardly angry man in front of me. "Don't look at me like that," he snapped, looking away.

I spotted his neck turn red, and it made a small smile appear on my face. "Ben, you're a kind person," I said solemnly. "You really are very kind."

He took in a sharp breath and crossed his arms, determinedly not looking at me. I glanced at my watch, realising that my English Lit class really did start in ten minutes. I didn't want to leave Ben, though. At least not when he seemed to be in such a bad mood.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't mean to look upset."

"You're not supposed to apologise for feelings. You're supposed to talk about them if you need to."

I blinked. I wasn't used to telling my problems to anyone except Ginny. And really, they couldn't even be classified as problems, since it was just me being selfish. "Do you-do you maybe want me to explain them to you?" I asked softly, hesitantly.

"Why do you think I asked?" he said in exasperation. I would've laughed had I not been feeling so subdued, and it seemed that Ben realised that. His expression grew pinched as he waited for me to talk. "Well?" he said, but not impatiently. This time, he was the one prompting me.

I closed my eyes briefly, and then looked at him. I opened my mouth to speak; to tell him that my dad was probably going to start dating Della, that my dog was all alone, that I'd have to go home during the Christmas holidays when I really didn't want to, that my dad had completely forgotten that my birthday came before Christmas. But what came out was definitely not what I expected.

"I miss my mum."

My eyes widened as soon as I said those words. I couldn't believe it. I spent the past few months trying to move on, and here I was still wallowing after her?

I expected Ben to sneer at me, to laugh or call me names, to do something to show me how childish I was being. But he did something that surprised us both, probably him more so than me.

He stood up, walked around the table, and folded me in a hug.