Father of the Bride

Chapter 17: Spoonful of Regret

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Sonya could hear her mother crying in her bedroom. For the fourth consecutive night Nadiya's sleep was disturbed since the revelation. Amirah rarely left her bed. Sonya helped her mum during the day and evening and took care of her feral brothers, however it wasn't enough. Sonya looked up at the dark ceiling wondering if her family would ever see a glint of happiness. Amirah had destroyed everything. She was selfish, self obsessed and stubborn. Sonya drifted off to sleep trying to release the hatred she held for her sister. Amirah wrecked everything.

In the small hours of dusk, Amirah returned from the bathroom and tiptoed into her room. Sonya was asleep, so it was the perfect time to pray. Amirah pulled open the bottom drawer. Under the pile of bed sheets she found the untouched prayer mat that her nanny gifted her when she returned from pilgrimage. Amirah pulled it and sniffed the pungent smell of moth balls.

The slight crack of orange light from the street lamp allowed Amirah to navigate her way in the bedroom laying her prayer mat in the direction of Makkah. Amirah paused. She forgot the direction to face. She looked around the room trying to figure out the south-easterly direction. She'd never prayed in her room as the downstairs guest room was used for prayer. Amirah changed her clothes into a beige salwar kameez. She tied her hair up in a bun. Then she wrapped her large shawl around her head covering every inch of her hair. But she couldn't get the hang of it it was like wrestling the piece of fabric like Jackie Chan. In the end she tucked the fabric under her chin and tugged it tight. With uncertainty in her heart, Amirah placed the mat pointing towards the window with her back to Sonya's bed. She lifted her palms to her ears and began prayer after a long time.
"Allah hu Akbar."

Once Amirah completed her prayer, she held her palms up to the ceiling and covered her hands with her shawl. The room was dark and but a splash of light from the street lamppost lit up her prayer mat. Amirah looked around the room like she was searching for someone. It felt strange talking to herself. But this was what praying was like. She bowed her head. Tucked her knees in together and began.
"Hello." She whispered looking up at the ceiling. "Salaam. I know you're up there somewhere." She swallowed a lump in her throat.
"I haven't prayed in a while, so forgive me if I make a mistake." Amirah paused like she expected a reply. She pushed through the feeling of looking  silly and concentrated on the ball of pain in the centre of her chest and that's when her head dropped with shame.
"Sometimes I go jummah with Nanny; then other times I get lazy. I don't know how to make a prayer or what to say. It feels strange talking to myself but somehow I know you're here, listening to me." Amirah sighed. "I've made a mess of things, Allah. I need your help. I'm falling behind in University. Ayaaz dumped me. My mother wishes I was dead and my dad.." Her lips quivered recalling the day he found out. His shoulders shrunken. His back towards her. He turned away from her. 

"He hates me." Her eyes pricked with tears. "He can't look at me. I'm not his little princess anymore. Everything has changed." Her shoulders shuddered. "I've shamed him and my family." She wept. "I wish I could kill myself but I can't even do that." She sobbed into her shawl. "I'm so stupid. I made a huge mistake and look what's happened. I just wanted someone to love and care about me and Ayaaz was there. I never meant for anything to happen." Amirah bowed over shivering in tears. Regret chocked her. "I don't know what to do. Please Allah-" She looked up like He was looking down at her. "-help me." She squeaked like a child. "I have no one to turn to but You. Nanny always told me that I should cry to Allah when things get tough. I promise to be a good Muslim. Please Allah, make my dad love me again. Please. Please show me the way. I promise I will never make this mistake again."
Amirah hunched over into a foetus position weeping in her sea of regret. Her life was a disaster. Sonya peered from under her duvet at the shrunken figure glowing in a grim orange light. The solid pit of Sonya's heart melted at the sight. Sonya climbed out of her bed and kneeled beside her sister. In silence she held Amirah offering her her body for comfort. Together they cried for the capricious future.