Sois mon bébé (Frerard)

Perfect

I never knew how it would feel like to lose someone close to you. Someone you cared about. Someone you would die for. That changed a year ago; it was when my grandmother passed away. It's the worst feeling i've ever felt in my life, nobody should ever experience such a powerful emotion like that. We all do at some point though. I don't mind myself being dead and all when my time comes, but the idea of someone you care about being buried underground forever just makes me a little upset and scared. Just a little bit though.

I always thought of our lives like pieces of meat. You start off raw from the womb, and as you get older you start cooking, and when you die is when you burn. Most people accept that the meat is burnt and it can never be any good anymore. Almost like people accept someone's death, and they aren't going to be alive anymore.

How I managed to compare meat to a persons life? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm just waiting to be that burnt piece of meat. The meat that's no good and gets discarded. All I am is trash and that's all I'll ever be. I'll always be alone watching people have fun with their simple lives and little "problems". Yes, I understand there are people who have gone through way worse, but this is my life I'm talking about here. My family has huge problems. There's money, family issues, drugs, alcohol, and the biggest problem there is, me.

My little brother Mikey has always been the person who makes sure we don't lose our shit. It's almost as if he's the oldest and I'm not. In our family, he's the most liked. I always get the occasional, "Why aren't you more like your brother?" thrown at me. Mikey never gets into trouble and knows exactly how to deal with the amount of shit we have daily. He always gets good grades, he studies, he doesn't drink or smoke, and he's popular in school. Yeah, popular. Perfect.

Me on the other hand, I'm an unfixable wreck. I admit, I'm not stable. I'm definitely not popular. I wasn't born a target, but it feels like I was at times. I can get hurt easily but I don't show it. Sometimes it's better to let it out then to keep it in and let your feelings choke you. Sometimes I feel like like I don't have a position in this world, other times I want to die.

I look at death like a friend. A world like ours is no place for people. There's danger in the air, Blood in the water, disease, sickness, and corpses in the coffins. Everyone has their opinions and when two people don't agree there's always fights. That's the problem with some people today and their opinions. They stick to what they think and not what they know. If they think you're a hopeless piece of shit, you're a hopeless piece of shit and that's final. Like that one philosopher René Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am". All of the words that I've been called have a place in my mind. I guess after you hear them daily, they really stick and I can't get rid of them. I can't be confident, I can't be strong, I can't be pretty, I can't be perfect.

I always ask myself, "What kind of  person do I want to be?". I've been very confused and I've never had a complete answer but I think I may have finally figured it out. I want to be an impact in people's lives. I want to be that help that's wanted, I want to be known for something good. I want to find and be satisfied with my position in the future. I want to have someone to love and care for. I want to feel loved instead of people feeling sorry for me. I want to be a father.

How can I take care of someone when I can't even take care of my damn self? This is when the gates of fear that I dread start to open up. Will I be capable to become a better person?

I hope that one day something or someone will come by to make me feel how I want to, it doesn't have to be perfect.

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A/N : this is just a little dive into the thoughts of Gerard Way. Hopefully this helps you get an idea of the way he thinks in this story. Sorry for being too deep and I hope you enjoyed - L.