Snowflakes & Constellations

It was 14 minutes past midnight. We were standing barefoot in the middle of the road, faces turned towards the stars. I looked over at him, his eyes were closed and his palms were turned outwards, facing the deserted road ahead of us. The street lights cast shadows on his skin, cutting through his pale complexion with ease. His hair fell loosely over his eyes as he breathed in, blinking them open and turning to face me. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he chuckled and smiled warmly at me, sending streams of electricity to flow through me. Nothing else mattered to me in that moment, not the snowflakes as they began to fall from the night sky, or even the 'home' that I knew I eventually had to return to.

He was what wiped all negativity from my life, even if it were just for a moment. He ran his fingers through his hair, jolting me back into reality. The reality that I wish would last an eternity. As I turned my attention back to the sky, I felt a cool grip on my wrist. I flinched at the touch, feeling my muscles tense and my pulse elevate. I grinned sheepishly as he guided me towards a nearby bench, tugging at my wrist until I sat down next to him. The cold steel numbed me almost instantly, but I stayed rooted to the spot, looking over at him when he offered me an earphone.

The melody consumed me, allowing all thoughts other than him to slip away into the night. I turned my head to face him again. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight, features soft and inviting. The snow began to fall more steadily now, settling around us as he shuffled closer to me. I felt a weight on my shoulder, and found him with his head leant against me. I could only hope that he couldn't feel my heart beating inside my chest. It was relentless, pumping into overdrive with no signs of stopping.

We stayed like that for a while, watching as a thin veil of snow settled on the world around us. We were just observers, a part of the scenery. As our breathing became synchronised, I felt like a part of something so beautiful, beyond anything I had ever experienced before. I felt the snowflakes melt on my skin, sending shivers across my body. As they faded away, I realised that all good things eventually come to an end, and this made me cling on to the feeling even more. Onto him.

The snow had begun to fall more violently, lashing against my face with each gust of icy wind. I could do nothing but stare in awe of the beauty unfolding in front of me. For a moment, everything was still, the only sound still audible was our breathing. Slow, relaxed, in unison. I attempted to tighten my coat around my body, watching absentmindedly as my breath danced and billowed out in front of me.

I glanced over at him again, street lamps and fairy lights illuminating his features perfectly. He had pulled his knees up to his chest, fiddling with his coat buttons as he leaned further into me. I rested my chin on top of his head. He smelled like home. He slowly lifted his head, turning to me as he did so. An infectious grin spread across his face, eyes glinting as he pushed himself up onto the back of the bench. He stood up, one foot after the other, and smiled down at me. A smile that said everything, without saying anything at all.

He lifted his arms so that they were welcoming the oncoming snow, just as it started to fall again. As the snow plastered itself to his face, he remained with his arms outstretched and a grin across his face. I realised that I had finally found where I belong. This time a large gust of wind accompanied it, catching him off guard. I stayed firmly locked in my seat as he lost his footing, falling backwards. I made a desperate attempt to reach out and stop his fall. But I was too late.

His head collided with the pavement, followed by a sickening crack that echoed throughout my head long after the impact. I rushed to be by his side, getting on my knees to hold his lifeless body. I had imagined death to be gradual, a time to say goodbyes and admit the things you had held on to for so long. But that is not what death is like. Death can be instant.

The shock consumed me as I grasped his shoulders, the snow settling on his eyelashes as I screamed into the empty streets. I screamed until I couldn't feel anymore, my fingers becoming numb as I shook him. I was unaware why I was clasping him so tightly to me. It may have been to say my goodbye, or convince myself that I was still there.

The hot tears streamed down my face, my grip became tighter as I closed my eyes. I screamed for him, for all the unspoken vows between us, for the future that was now just a distant dream. I imagined all of the conversations and wide toothed grins that wouldn't take place after this. They escaped my grip as soon as his last breath was carried away by the breeze. I willed for him to wake up, to open those warm and unwavering eyes. He didn't blink though, he didn't stir. Our heartbeats were no longer beating as one, and I was alone again.