Am I Not Good Enough

Chapter 28

Who would be missing me now? they got what they wanted, a rouge pack is down. It’s not about me and it never was. I was just a piece that was there. And now I figured that out. ‘don’t be stupid Maya, we all want you back. what about your mate? What about Chris? And what about us Maya! The people who helped you find your sister, you family that was there for you when no one else was!” he screamed.  I might have taken it a bit too far but he can’t really be playing like that.  ‘Yea Jace, you guys are everything left to me. But that just the thing, screw everyone else and could you just let me do my thing. I will be able to shift again. Your making a big deal of nothing’ I'm trying to reason with him here but it seems I'm only making him angrier.

“Maya try and shift back” Dustin pretty much commands me. I growled back at him, he isn’t my alpha and I won’t do what the hell he says. “do it Maya, I'm your mate you have to listen to me” he tried again. I growled and narrowed my eyes at him, he can’t just order me around like that.

‘I'm going now Jace. I’ve said all I need too. I’ll come back later. You chase me I will run off pack lands’ I threated them at the end just so I could have my privacy, but it was a empty threat. My bet is now a bunch of rouges want me dead so I'm not going to take my chances.

‘do whatever you want Maya, we’re done.’ Jace said before walking in the house. I got up on my shaky legs and dashed off into the woods. I'm sure Jace told everyone what happened but I don’t really care. Its not like they have anything over me. my dad doesn’t matter and I can find my sister without their help. But I can’t say I have nothing left there.. I have Jace and the rest of the pack. they all  care about me and helped me out a lot.

I ran around the woods for a good hour before my legs started aching. I trotted back to the pack house and it was about 8. The night was starting to settle as I came in. Tara, Jace, Chris, Dustin and a few other members of the pack were around a fire. I went up and nudged Jace’s leg. I was going o try and shift back now but I needed him to get me some clothes.  But what I really needed to do was apologize.

I guess I know what Chris means when it all just builds up and you explode. I really pushed it with everyone today and I was the worse on Jace. I owe him a lot for everything he’s done for me.  at first he just ignored me and roughly pushed me away with his leg, but when I came back and whimpered he slipped off his shirt and tossed it at me with a dirty look. I guess he was still really pissed at me. Everyone just kept staring at me with hateful plain looks. Even Chris or Dustin wouldn’t acknowledge me, or they would just stare with a blank plain look.

I know I mess up but I didn’t mean it. I took Jace’s shirt and went behind a tree.  I could feel my bones trying to re-do itself and my muscles trying to shift back to normal but my wolf was strained. I mean, I could run and everything but I don’t know about fighting yet. I would need someone like Chris for that.

As much as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself back to human form. I walked out from behind the tree, still n wolf form towards them again. Jace took one look at me and shook his head. The others barley spared me a glance. I guess everyone knew this was coming and had no compassion left for me. i nudged Jace’s leg for his attention again. He stared at me long and hard with a glare. I whimpered and tried to tell him to shift so I could talk to him through the mind link. They wouldn’t talk to a wolf when they were human, they had to  be in the same form to communicate through the link. We could  a little while ago, but as the pack got a bit older we had to be in the same form to talk through the link. It was kind of weird how it changed and I have no idea how it did but I hate it.

There was always somthin about it that made me like Jace, and now a realise that it’s his will and strong attitude, although it don’t like it much when it’s being used against me.  he wouldn’t give in a shift though. I might be stuck like this and the others are right. I don’t know for how long.

I kept pushing at his leg. I even moved over more and stared at Chris. He looked at me for a couple seconds before turning his head away and continues a conversation with his brother. It seems that those two are getting on much better now.  I howled once before walking over the grass. A couple meters away from them and laying down. It was obvious I wasn’t wanted there. I seemed to have messed everything up in the one short day that I was back with the people I love.

They were smiling and laughing and talking and it made me sad to see that I had hurt them. everyone makes mistakes and they apologized for there’s. but I rejected it and made my own. I guess I know now what they mean, when they say I'm sorry. But did much worse than them.

They all got up and walked inside, shutting the door behind them. I was now stuck in wolf form alone and sad. I guess that’s what I get for being so stupid.  I guess that’s also what you call karma. And now I'm starting to feel the true effect and emotions of what they all said to me, even Dustin…………..