Am I Not Good Enough

Chapter 28

Did he really just tell me I'm going to lose? I already have. Everything I ever had, and when there nothing left to lose, there is nothing worth fighting for. Why fight for love when it never existed?  “I'm done, With the both of you. You’ve both shown me a lot about yourselves, something I don’t normally see and obviously we just don’t work. So let’s leave it at that” I nodded and turned my back on the. I opened the door and stepped out of it, not bothering to look back at what I'm sure will be shock and hurt on their faces. I have enough problems to deal with, and love shouldn’t be one of them. if it is, that means I'm just not meant to love.  Love Is always there for you, to make you feel better and help you through things.  To show you that people care. But love has brought me the exact opposite of that. I don’t want any part of whatever that is suppose to be.  I give up on my happily ever after.

I will do what it takes for family.  But nothing is a given in life, you have to fight for it all. And I’ve lost that one. I trudged back up the stairs and into my room. I’m so tired right now, for some stupid reason. I guess it’s just what it feels like when your life keeps getting worse by the days/. But I'm not one to feel sorry for myself so I drag myself out of my room and out the door. Might as well try and shift now, I'm for sure not waiting hell of 3 days for this. I walked out in the back, I saw Jace as I was walking, and he started following me so I started walking faster, there was no way he was going to let me do this, but there was no way he was going to stop me either. I slammed open the back door and inhaled the fresh air. It’s really been a while since I’ve had a proper run.

I stepped outside and forced the wolf inside me to wake up. It hurt like hell but I was going to go threw with this. “Maya what the hell are you doing?” Jace asked from behind me. I turned around and smirked at him “I'm going to try and shift” I stated simply. I could feel my bones start to compress and it felt like they were breaking in half one by one. The pain was un believable, it took all that was in me not to scream out of stop the process. “Maya DON’T! you’re supposed to wait three days. If you don’t you could be stuck in wolf form for a while! Your wolf could take over and  force your body to stay like that! Please don’t!” I ignored his warning and let myself crumple to the ground in a heap. My limbs were changing one by one as my clothes were torn to shreds. 

My eyes were rolling back because of the pain, but it was all to late to stop now.  in a split second my body transformed into my beautiful wolf. It still hurt and I could balance as well but it was all in favor. I loved wolf form. I looked back and Jace to see a horrified expression on his face. What was he on about? “DUSTIN, CHIRS, ALPHA RAILINGTON,” He screamed out. And I'm sure he must have called our pack in the mind link too. I rolled my eyes at his over dramatic scene. I laid down and pretend to wait for them. but really I was just giving my body a rest. It didn’t feel all that different and maybe I didn’t lose all my skill. I could only hope.

They all came rushing and pushing through he back door at once.  Tara Luke, Lucas, Chris, Dustin, and alpha Railington. “what?” alpha Railington asked alarmed. Jace couldn’t even speak he just pointed to me, and all their heads snapped over to look at me.

Shock and some anger was written all over their faces. “Maya! We told you to wait 3 days; you could be stuck like that!” Tara screamed at me.  There is really nothing wrong with staying a wolf for a bit, its second nature.  “someone shift so we can see what she has to say about this” alpha Railington said with a sigh. Wow this is really bothering them more than I thought it would. “I will” Chris said quickly. What makes anyone think I'm going to talk to him? “Uh no you shouldn’t Chris, I will.” Jace said shooting him a look. Eh, it’s a improvement I guess.

‘Maya?’ he said through the link. ‘What’ I replied. It was a bit much but I just wanted to go on my run. Chance are now I I take off then they will all follow me and hunt me down. So I think its easier to just deal with them now. ‘Why did you do this, you might be stuck in your wolf for who knows how long’ he said. ‘and what’s the problem with that?’ sometimes I just didn’t get them, what's so bad about being a full time wolf, I can still talk to everyone and stuff. ‘what's wrong with that? What about all the people who care about you? You won’t be able to see them or do anything with them, your being selfish here’ he said angrily, he was getting mad at me now, wow what a surprise. ‘I'm not that big of a part of people’s lives Jace. Everyone can get on fine without me in human form. Plus I need to train my wolf. I don’t know how much I'm missing yet’ and it was the honest truth.